Tainted Love
by Jelly Bean Jenna
Summary: Andy's life is spiralling out of control until she hits rock bottom & attempts suicide. When admitted to hospital she is involved in a hostage situation that forces Sam to shoot her. In between everything Sarah comes to visit. How will that go?
1. Chapter 1

Summery; Andy's life is spiralling out of control until she hits rock bottom & attempts suicide. When admitted to hospital she is involved in a hostage situation that forces Sam to shoot her. In between everything, Sarah comes to visit. How will that go? Will she survive & pick up the pieces?

Kind of AU, but not totally! I just moved some events from the show into a closer timeframe & added my own twists. I also don't think it's totally possible, but story line was good, so here goes…..

A|N; Thanks to everyone that has read & reviewed my other stories, you guys are awesome!

A|N; Thanks to jj87 & Kelly 2727, you guys are absolutely awesome! If you haven't read their work, you should!

I have a Facebook Group, called Fanfic's Anonymous, so search & check it out!

Please note; I have never attempted suicide myself, but know a few people that have, some succeeded, where others failed & this idea is based on someone who tried, & called me for help after taking a bottle of sleeping tablets. I am South African, & some of the events in this story are based on S.A. Procedures.

Disclaimer; I only own this story

Chapter 1

One little piece of paper.

One little, white piece of paper, words printed mostly in bold, black ink, with a single handwritten date and a signature at the bottom.

That would not seem out of the ordinary to anyone, but this piece of paper was everything but normal.

This piece of paper had the letter head of Guns & Gangs on it, dated the 16th, two days ago, with his signature at the bottom.

As Andy held the paper staring at it she realized that Sam was leaving soon, back to Guns & Gangs.

She felt her hand shake, gently causing the paper to draw random patterns in the air as she stared at it.

She hadn't meant to find it; she was only digging in his desk drawer to find a pen to finish her report, when her pen had finally decided to give up writing ten minutes before the end of shift.

It's not like she was snooping. Really, she wasn't!

It was lying on the top of everything else in the drawer, nestled in silence, keeper of a secret.

Until she found it.

Like the universe meant for her to find it. Meant for her to know.

What had she been told a while back? Secrets- they don't come out all neat and tidy.

Andy stood staring at the paper, her mind blank as every logical thought escaped it, leaving her to wallow in the emotions her heart was feeling.

Disappointment was there. Sadness too. Sorrow and loss mixed in to the cocktail of perpetual darkness.

Then the panic set it. Panic that Sam was leaving her, just like everyone else did. Her mother had left her when she was 14, causing her dad to leave the land of the living by seeking solace at the bottom of a whiskey bottle.

Luke had decided to leave their relationship when he decided to screw around with Jo while still engaged to Andy. Technically Andy left him when she found out, but he forced her hand to do it.

And now Sam was leaving her. The only other stable thing in her life besides Traci was leaving. The person that had been there to help her through getting over Luke, the person who helped clear her dad of murder charges and helped her persuade him to go to rehab for his drinking, the only really stable person she actually had in her life was leaving.

The other person in the longest stable relationship she'd ever had was leaving.

Leaving for who knows how long.

And because he was leaving to Guns & Gangs that meant he could possibly not come back. For weeks, months years or ever.

Ever!

That thought caused a shiver to run through Andy as she was suddenly faced with the reality of the fact that she was about to lose Sam.

The piece of paper in her hand had gone from drawing patterns in the air to shaking violently as that thought hit home. Staring at the paper Andy noticed tiny droplets begin to wet the paper; tears she didn't realize she was even crying were dripping down on to the paper.

"You ok there McNally?" Sam's voice suddenly pulled her out of her revere of lost thoughts as he came to stand behind her without her even noticing his presence.

Andy looked from the paper to Sam and back to the paper. Without a word she turned towards him and walked over in three small steps slamming the paper into his chest, up against his vest, before storming off in the direction of the woman's locker room.

Sam stood in silence watching Andy flee confusion filling his face as he held the paper Andy slapped into him to his chest with one hand.

Pulling the piece of crumpled paper away he flipped it over, exhaling a deep breath as his eyes saw what her's weren't meant to.

Crumbling the paper up into a ball Sam threw it across the room in frustration.

"Damnit!" He yelled, causing a few heads to turn his way at his sudden aggravated outburst.

With that he spun around and headed to the woman's locker room bursting through the door with more force than he intended, causing numerous shrieks to come from the woman in various stages of dress.

"Whoa Swarek" Gail yelled as he stormed towards Andy who was just behind her.

"Out!" Sam yelled in response to the shocked stares he was getting from the woman.

"Um...Sir..." Traci stammered as she tried to get her shirt back over her head in a bid to hide herself.

"Out now!" Sam yelled, more anger in his voice than any of them had heard before. A scurry of woman left the room in seconds, plunging it into an uncomfortable silence as Andy rummaged through her open locker in an attempt to keep herself occupied rather than face off with Sam over a piece of paper.

"McNally..." Sam started in a calmer voice although the hand pinching the bridge of his nose was a dead giveaway to his frustration. So too was the other on his hip.

Andy carried on ignoring Sam as she took off her uniform shirt and threw it into her locker before pulling out a black sweater and pulling it on over her black under-shirt.

Ignoring him she took a step back and sat on the bench unlacing her boots. They were off in seconds, soon following her uniform by being thrown in her locker crashing into the cold metal at the back of the locker, sending a loud thud through the room.

Still she didn't look at Sam or even acknowledge his presence.

Seeing her intention of not stopping when her hands moved to undo her uniform pants, Sam turned around so that she could keep dressing, although his presence fazed her in no way when he still faced her.

"McNally...I..." As he took a deep breath contemplating his words he felt her brush past him, making her way for the door.

He hadn't even heard her close her locker door or noticed she had finished dressing into jeans and her boots, which she left unlaced in a bid to flee in a hurry.

Grabbing Andy's wrist as she passed, Sam pulled her back and swung her round backing her into the short row of lockers, an arm on either side of her attempting to stop her escape.

"I was going to tell you" Sam's voice merely a whisper in the deafening silence of the room.

"Yeah, when? When you came back in a body bag? Well don't worry about it!" Andy said tilting her head just the slightest in an act of defiance.

"McNally, this is why I put off telling you ok, I knew you would freak out, so I tried to leave it 'till the last minute. I'm not even supposed to tell you!" Sam was leaning in close enough for her to smell the minty aroma of the gum he was chewing on. Cherry mint.

"Sam, I get it ok, we're partners, but I would have at least thought that my FRIEND Sam would have kind of given me a heads up ok!" By the end of her sentence her voice began to falter, cracking in betrayal as she shifted nervously from foot to foot boxed in between Sam and the lockers.

Andy shifted her gaze downwards to meet the floor as her hand fiddled with the strap of her bag still slung across her shoulder.

"Sorry ok...so when do you leave?" Andy was whispering to the tiles now and saw Sam tense at her question.

The one question he knew she would ask and he knew he would have to answer. The question of when.

Letting out a deep breath, he tried to avert the subject when he finally answered. "I'm going after a guy, Jamie Brennan, everyone has been trying to get something to stick to him but he's smarter than the average street corner criminal"

"When Sam?" Andy all but yelled as she looked up at him, her eyes glassy and puffy from free falling tears and tears she had yet to let out.

"Tomorrow, today's my last shift" Sam said in a hurried sigh.

Hearing those words Andy stifled a sob as she ducked under his arm and made her way to the door. Pausing for a split second with her hand on the door, whatever thoughts she was having she shook out of her head as she visibly shook her head before she pushed the door open and left the room.

Sam turned around in time to see her pause and shake her head in hesitation before she walked out.

Turning around he balled his left hand into a fist before slamming it into a randomly owned locker in front of him causing a wave of agonizing rattling to reverberate through the room.

Storming out the locker room, Sam found a line of half dressed woman waiting to continue their dressing as well as a line of curious onlookers, his friends among them. Sending them all a stare, Sam ran his right hand through his hair before turning in the direction of the men's locker room.

Jerry and Oliver entered the room to find Sam sitting on the bench in front of his locker, his elbows resting on his knees, his face turned downwards.

"Sammy?" Oliver asked as he came to stand in front of Sam, leaning his shoulder on the nearest locker.

Jerry took a seat next to Sam in silence.

"You...uh...told her didn't you?" Jerry finally spoke.

"No she found the forms in my desk drawer" Sam said not looking up.

"And it sounds like she didn't take it too well, neither did your hand" Oliver said motioning to the blood that started to dry on his split open knuckles.

"Nope" Sam said dryly.

"You know we got your back Sammy" Oliver hinted.

"Yup"

Sammy knew that Oliver and Jerry would watch out for trouble magnet McNally while he was gone, but that didn't mean that fact that he was leaving was made any easier.

Jerry slapped a hand on Sam's shoulder before him and Oliver left the room in silence sensing Sam's need for a minute to pull his shit together.

"That hand is gonna hurt like a bitch in the morning" Jerry said as they made their way down the hallway shaking his head at the turn of events.

"Yeah, did you notice it was his left hand, not his gun hand? Even losing his temper, he's got himself under control" Oliver now shook his head in disbelief.

Andy made her way home oblivious to the cold wind as it blew around her. Swirling its icy clutches around her numb fingers as she fumbled with her keys as she opened the front door to her new apartment.

It had been three months since she left Luke and she had spent three weeks on Traci's pullout couch before she found a new apartment not far from the barn. It was a cosy little one bedroom that was encased in glass windows almost right round. That was the selling fact. The fact that the windows let in the bright light and warmth of the sun's rays. It really felt like home, although she had a few boxes left to unpack.

Andy slammed the door closed as she made her way in throwing her keys on the kitchen counter island and dropped her bag on the floor next to it. She made her way over to the fridge and pulled out the open bottle of wine, pouring herself a large glass of the dark red liquid before she took several large sip's in an attempt to steady her nerves.

Grabbing the glass Andy made her way to the bathroom deciding a hot shower would make her feel better.

Stepping out the shower she heard the familiar shrill of her phone still in her jacket pocket that she left strewn on her bed when she went to shower.

Ignoring it until she was dressed in her pale pink drawstring pj pants with dark pink and white hearts covering it and her white tank top Andy was glad her new place had such good heating in this cold weather.

Pulling her phone out her jacket pocket as she put sat down on the end of her bed. She hoped it was Traci or her dad rather than the person she had such a heart-breaking altercation with in the locker room.

Noticing the screen held a one missed call 19-48pm, and one new message 19-50pm. She sighed heavily as she opened the messages to see a number she did not recognize. Lifting her phone to her ear Andy listened to the voicemail left by the mystery caller.

"Hi... This message is...um for Miss Andy McNally. Please phone me back, it's...it's about your mother. My name is Alice Macintosh...I'm from the cancer hospice in Vancouver. Um...thanks..." Then the line went dead.

Andy felt fear grip her as her entire body began to shake. Her mother had left her 12 years ago to start a new family and now a woman called from a cancer hospice with news of her? Today of all days?

Andy threw her phone down next to her as she stood up and made her way to the kitchen searching the cupboards until she found the bottle she was seeking. Pouring herself a stiff shot of the amber liquid, she felt it burn as she swallowed the whiskey.

Taking a deep breath, Andy took a second to gather herself as she poured another shot of whiskey before downing it in one smooth sip. Andy poured herself a third glass before making her way to retrieve her phone to make the call.

"Hello?" The sweet voice answered after a few rings.

"Um...hi...I'm...Andy..." Andy's voice was failing her again, a repeat of her earlier wave of emotions.

"Hi Andy I'm Alice I run a hospice in Vancouver, and I've had your mom here as a patient for twelve years. I'm...I'm sorry to inform you that she passed away this afternoon."

The woman rushed through her words as if to make this as painless as possible for Andy.

"I'm sorry what?" Andy asked not sure she heard correctly.

"Your mom lost her fight to the cancer, she gave me your number in case of an emergency a while back. I'm sorry for your loss. We'll be in touch about the funeral arrangements as soon as they're done, your mom left strict instructions..." Not able to listen to anymore Andy ended the call.

Sitting down on the end of her bed her hands were still trembling as she replayed the woman's words in her mind.

Her mother had been in a hospice for twelve years and she had died today.

The woman that left her for another family, abandoned her was really and truly gone and never coming back.

She left because she was sick not because she didn't want a family. She left to save her family the pain of watching her die, not because she hated them.

Not to replace them.

Andy had spent twelve years hating a woman for messing her up and for pushing her dad to drink.

Her mother's last act of love, had been misunderstood. She hated her for all the wrong reasons. Now she suddenly hated her for dying. For not coming back and saying she was sick. For leaving them to think the worst of her.

Oh God her dad.

Had he known, or had he heard?

Andy grabbed her phone and dialled her dad's number.

He answered after a few short rings slurring as he did.

"Hewoo"

"Dad. Um... Have you been drinking?" Andy shrieked. Disappointment evident in her voice.

"Wustt won"

"Dad you've been sober for six months" Andy whispered as her tears began to fall.

"...I...I'm sowwry...I wust weeded it todayyyy..."

"So you heard? Um...about...her?"

"Yeah...I'm sowwry..."

Andy ended the call as her body was filled with sobs as the tears streamed down her face.

Curling up on her bed, her thoughts ran rampant over the day's events. First Sam left her and wasn't even going to bother with a goodbye, then her mother dies after years of misunderstood mistakes, and misunderstood hatred and heartbreak, and now her dad was back to sucking on a bottle.

After a while Andy composed herself enough to get up and retrieve the bottle of whiskey from the kitchen before returning to her bed. Looking at her phone as she took a sip from the bottle, she contemplated calling Sam. He was always there when she needed him, but that was before he was leaving in less than 24 hours for an undercover op.

Maybe Traci. She should call Traci. But Traci has Leo. She wouldn't bother Traci then.

No sleep would be the best thing right now.

I'm just tired, really tired she thought as she took another swig from the bottle.

Sleep


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to everyone that has read/reviewed/ alerted this story, you guys are all simply awesome!

Special thanks to Kelly2727!

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For reviewing one of my stories along the way!

**Chapter 2**

Sleep would make everything better in the morning.

Oh who was she kidding. Sleep? How was she going to sleep away all her problems?

Or the raging emotions that they bought on?

She wouldn't even be able to sleep.

And sleep would not keep Sam from leaving, her dad from drinking or bring her mom back.

Sleeping tablets, now those could work. Andy suddenly remembered that she had a bottle in the bathroom medicine cabinet.

Silently she stood up and went into the bathroom, taking the bottle from the cabinet before slowly closing the mirrored door.

Catching sight of herself in the mirror, Andy drew in a sharp breath at seeing her reflection.

Her once bright smile was now a thin line of a sad frown. Her starkly, brown eyes were now red rimmed puffy orb's shrouded in sadness. Her healthy tanned glow now a pasty pale skin.

Her untidy pony tail; now hanging loose strands around her face in a half up unkempt mess of a pony tail.

The person staring back at her was not Andy McNally.

The person staring back at her was a mess.

An emotional wreck of a once happy person.

The outer shell of a human being that had no love left to give, no happy laughter to share, no smile to present.

Taking the bottle of pills she made her way back to her bed. Pushing off the cap, it sprung into the air before falling on the wooden floor and rolling around in a circle.

Ironic! Andy thought as she watched it roll around. Her life had come full circle. It had really started when her mother left, and today, today she finally realized what she sort of had and wanted, but today he had said goodbye because he was leaving. Today he said goodbye and her mother comes back, in death, but she came back. It ended with her coming back.

Full circle like the one the bottle top made on the wooden floor.

Andy shook the bottle rolling two tablets into the open palm of her hand. Slowly she lifted them to her lips and let them roll into her mouth as she reached out for the bottle of whiskey. Taking a sip of the warm liquid she washed them down.

She looked at the bottle, staring at it for a few seconds before she held out her hand to roll out another two before letting them flow down her throat, washed down by the liquid solace she tried to drown in.

Soon the second two were followed by the third pair, each pair becoming easier to swallow.

Andy drank thirstily from the bottle, not caring that some of the liquid slipped past her lips dropping on to her shirt staining the white material a dirty brown.

With each sip thoughts flowed freely through her mind, spurring on her decision to sip away the whiskey and swallow the pills.

Thoughts of how inadequate she really was when it came to being normal.

Normalcy, now that thought made her laugh out loud.

Nothing about her or her life up until this point had been normal.

Normally the parent would look after the child, well that didn't happen.

Normally the parent wouldn't abandon their family because they were sick, well that didn't happen either.

Normally a fiancé doesn't cheat on his fiancée and then push the wedding up to next week, well no normalcy there, yet again.

Normally your FRIENDS tell you when they're leaving.

But that's what you get for letting it happen. You allow people to do it so they do it! Andy thought dryly.

Thinking of the one person she had any words left to say to Andy reached for her phone and began typing a text through blurry, wavering vision.

Sam sat quietly at the bar of the Penny, thoughts of the day finally able to run around his brain freely as he was left to his own device after Oliver, Jerry, Frank and Noelle had all left. A couple shots of whiskey as a goodbye with his friends would normally have had Sam relaxed, content even.

But not today, not after Andy's reaction to finding his Guns & Gangs papers. Now those shots had him second guessing his actions and himself.

He knew she would freak out about him leaving but the thought that she would freak out that badly never crossed his mind.

Sam was pulled from his thoughts as he felt his phone vibrate in his jacket pocket. Pulling it out of the inner pocket, he stared at the screen when he saw one new text message McNally light up the screen.

Staring at it for a moment he put it down on the bar next to his glass before motioning to Liam for a refill.

As usual, she probably over thought the whole thing and was sending an 'I'm Sorry' before he left.

He couldn't really blame her for her reaction though; he'd probably be pissed about his partner -her- going all Guns & Gangs without telling him.

His curiosity got the better of him when Liam placed the refill down in front of him, he needed to hear or rather read what she had to say, now.

So he reached out for his phone and opened the message.

**Trace**

**You have been the best friend ever & I love you for that! **

**More importantly you are the best mom in the world! Never let that change, ever!**

**I wish my mom would have been more like you. **

**I'll love you forever & a day**

**Xxx**

**Love always A. **

Wait, what?

She sent Traci Nash a message to his phone, was she drunk? Did she scroll down too fast and hit the S before the T in a hurry? The alphabet does go p q r S T u...

Sam read the message again before hitting the green button and dialling her number.

No answer, it rang through to voicemail. Sam read the message again.

Was she going somewhere?

Or had she done something incredibly stupid?

The thought was not finished leaving Sam's mind before he was up off his bar stool and out the heavy wooden door of the Penny.

Sam made it to Andy's apartment in less than two minutes, not bothering with the lights he slammed the truck door closed before he ran up the stairs to knock on her door.

After the first knock went unanswered Sam resorted to pounding the door nearly off its hinges.

Still the door stayed closed and locked.

Not caring for any consequences of his actions Sam took a step backwards before lifting one leg and planting his boot firmly on the door, splintering the wood as it flung open from the force of him kicking it open.

The first thing Sam noticed was her keys on the kitchen counter and her bag on the floor and the darkness of her apartment. If her keys were here, she should be right?

_"McNally?"_ His voice sounded strange to his own ears as he moved forwards into the lounge finding the couch empty.

He walked down the hallway and found the bathroom door open, it's lights off. Stepping towards a slightly closed door Sam knew it was the only room left to check, her bedroom.

Not even pausing for a split second, Sam pushed the door open and stepped into Andy's dimly lit bedroom.

-Love it? Hate it? Let me know!

This was kinda hard to write, but I was happy enough with it to post!


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for all the awesome reviews/ alerts please keep them coming!

Thanks again to the awesome Kelly2727!

**Chapter 3**

His eyes surveyed the room, noticing the only light coming from her bedside lamp. He also noticed the smashed whiskey bottle that lay on the floor next to the bed, shards of glass scattered across the floor in a pool of wetness that had not yet seeped away into the wooden floor.

Finally his eyes saw the empty tablet bottle lying on its side on the bedside table.

The next thing Sam realized was his hand lifting Andy's cold arm up from hanging over the side of the bed as he put his other hand to her neck in search of a pulse.

Finding one he let out a sigh of relief.

_"Andy"_ Sam shook her softly hoping to get a response.

But she just laid there, eyes closed, shallow breaths filling her lungs.

If Sam had known any better, he would have described her as looking peaceful. Not a word he ever thought he would use to describe her.

_"Andy"_ Sam said a little louder, shaking her a little rougher. This time his efforts were rewarded with a low soft groan that sounded vaguely like the mumbling of the word sleep.

_"Come on McNally wake up"_ Sam said this time trying to pull her up causing her arm to slip off the side of the bed again.

_"Shit"_ Sam said as he realized that she was not in a good state.

He stood up off the edge of her bed and picked up the empty bottle that had once held the sleeping tablets. Reading the label, Sam drew in a desperate breath as he shoved the empty bottle into his jacket pocket before he shrugged his heavy black leather jacket off.

Pulling Andy to sit up he put the jacket around her shoulders before putting one arm around the back of her shoulders and the other under her knees before scooping her up and making his way towards the door paying no attention to his badly bruised and swollen left knuckles.

He carried her out the building after managing to pull what was left of her apartment door closed enough to appear closed and locked and made his way over to his truck, grateful to have left the doors unlocked and the headlights on in his hurry to find her. Opening the passenger door Sam gently lay Andy down in a sitting position in the front seat before buckling her up closing the door and racing around to climb in the driver's seat before starting the ignition and speeding towards Victoria Mercy.

Having had advanced driving courses and being a cop Sam knew the dangers of speeding, but in this case screw the rules right?

Holding on to Andy's left hand Sam kept an eye on her as he drove through the streets, swerving through traffic.

Keeping his voice as stable as he could he kept talking to her, saying things like _'stay awake'_ _'open you're eyes'_ , even 'keep breathing' came up a few times, but in the back of Sam's mind he knew that these were not the words he wanted to be saying. He wanted to say other words, but they would not roll off his tongue and out his lips, no matter how much he wanted to say them, or have her hear them.

Minutes passed until Sam pulled up outside the doors of the emergency vehicle entrance Victoria Mercy. Within seconds nurses were out the door pushing a stretcher out along with them. Sam was out the truck and around the side as the nurse opened the door to stop and stare at Andy.

Stepping in front of her Sam leaned in over Andy and snapped the seatbelt loose before picking her up gently and laying her out on the stretcher. As the nurses buckled the stretcher straps over Andy's sleeping frame, Sam dug in his jacket still around her shoulders, pulled out the empty bottle and handed it to a nurse.

She looked down at the bottle and back at Sam, a worried look crossing her face.

_"How many?"_ She asked as the other nurses began to run the stretcher into the building through the automatic glass sliding doors.

_"Um...I have no idea, probably the whole bottle. And most of a bottle of whiskey" _Sam said before he abruptly turned away climbing into his truck and drove off into the parking lot in search of a regular parking spot.

Sam turned off the ignition after parking and sat staring at the darkness in front of him.

_'How could she be so stupid?' _

_'What the hell was she thinking to finally do something so stupid, why didn't she call me?' _

_'Oh right Sam, you seriously expect her to call you tonight after today and you're leaving tomorrow' _

Sam's mind was raging a war with itself. His anger getting the best of him, he slammed his hand down on the steering wheel with enough force to suddenly set the hooter and car alarm to go off. Closing his eyes to get his shit together, Sam put his head down on the steering wheel in a moment's silence.

Taking a deep breath, he lifted his head, ran his fingers over his face and climbed out the truck, making his way inside the ER.

_"Can I help you sir?"_ A nurse at the nurses' station asked as Sam walked in.

_"Um...yeah, Officer McNally?"_ Sam's voice trailed off.

_"I'm sorry sir but no Officers have been bought in tonight"_

_"Oh, uh...she off duty. I brought her in after she...she..."_ Sam could not bring himself to say the words.

_"Oh the young lady? The doctors with her now, you can have a seat I'll get you when he's done" _

_"I'd like to see her please" _

_"Sorry sir, it's only immediate family with them now. I'll..."_

Sam felt his anger level raise again, as he pulled his badge out from his jeans pocket and slammed it on the counter top causing the nurse to jump.

_"Listen, Maggie"_ Sam said reading her name off her badge.

_"I know that and I get it, really I do, but I'm her partner ok, and right now I'm all she's got. So either you show me the way, tell me or..."_

Although most people found this kind of Sam intimidating and scary, Maggie's face seemed to soften at his outburst as she smiled a genuine smile before pointing to the closed glass doors to her right and simply answered _"Third room on the left"._

Sam was shocked by her calm answer as he picked up his badge, mumbled a thank you and walked towards the doors marked Authorized People Only in big red lettering.

As he walked away Maggie's smile never left her lips as she thought how lucky that poor girl was to have someone that cared that much for her here.

_"Partner my ass"_ her fifty something year old voice said out loud to her own ears as she continued to sort through the pile of files in front of her.

Sam made his way as instructed by Maggie to find a doctor inserting a clear plastic tube up Andy's nose before he attached an oversized syringe to it. The doctor proceeded to pull back the plunger, drawing a dirty brown colour liquid up into the syringe along with a large amount of floating pieces of something or other.

The doctor loosened the syringe from the tube up Andy's nose and pushed the plunger, dispensing the cloudy liquid of her stomach contents into a large jam jar looking kind of bottle that stood on the counter next to him.

After repeating the action numerous times, the doctor changed his actions by pushing a dark grey fluid into the syringe and administering it into the tube and up her nose into her stomach.

Soon the doctor was again drawing the liquid up through the tube as nurses jostled around hooking Andy up to an IV and heart monitor.

Sam stood in awe as he watched the doctor pump Andy's stomach. He watched as her heart had a steady rhythm on the monitor, but the calming feeling he began to feel was quickly replaced as he watched the nurse hook Andy up to a ECG machine and an EEG machine, to monitor her heart more closely as well as her brain activity.

Sam stood frozen in heart-breaking agony as he watched the medical staff work away to save the life of one very confused person.

After what seemed like all of eternity had passed the doctor wrote a few notes in Andy's file before motioning to Sam to step outside the room.

_"You are her?"_ The doctor started out staring Sam down.

_"Partner."_ Sam said anxious to hear what the doctor had to say about her condition.

_"Partner?"_ The doctor not sure of what Sam meant.

_"Um...Toronto PD"_ Sam said.

_"Oh explains a lot. Look we've pumped what we could out of her stomach and have put her on an IV and tried to flush her system with charcoal. Her blood alcohol level was at one of the highest I've ever seen and with the unknown amount of medication she took it'll be about eight hours before I can give you an accurate assessment on her condition or the aftereffects of this, if there are any, and that is unless she wakes up in the meantime. Her vitals look good for now, stable and her brain activity is strong but any damage done will only be fully noted when she wakes up. Damage to her kidneys and liver are my main concern at the moment so those are being monitored closely. I will have to report this as an attempted suicide by a police officer, and Officer McNally will have to speak to a psychologist, would you like me to leave it to your departmental doctor or find her one here?"_

Sam stood a wave of emotion rolling through him at the doctors words.

_"Um...I'll get her one."_ Sam said unsure of what he should actually say.

_"Ok then Officer, I'm going to have Officer McNally placed on a suicide watch in her room until further notice. Unfortunately I will also be restricting visitors at this time. You will be listed as able to see her as I see you're listed as an emergency contact on her medical records, and you brought her in."_

The doctors words _"emergency contact"_ shocked Sam. When had she done that? Why would she do that? It's usually closest friends or family.

_"Um..doc, can I have one of her friends stay with her? You know for when she wakes up. She'll panic and try to run and she clams up and won't talk..."_ Sam cut his sentence off midway through when he realized that he was rambling on just like Andy did.

_"Ok that might be good for her. I'll inform the nurse of you coming by with someone. She'll be moved to the isolation wing just down this hallway take a left through the doors, room 316. I'll see you later excuse me I need to do rounds in the ER now"_ with that the doctor was gone.

Feeling the need for fresh air Sam took a walk outside standing just outside the ER sliding doors he began to pace. His head was mused with all kinds of ideas on what Andy had tried to do, why she had tried to do it, how close she had come to succeeding and his last thought was what if she had succeeded?

This was something he couldn't do. He needed someone who could help.

Pulling out his phone he dialled a familiar number letting it ring until she answered.

_"Sammy, you had better be in the hospital to be calling me at this time of the morning" _

"_Noelle not me An...McNally. Can you come down to Victoria Mercy? Bring a note book...and uh...bring Frank too"_ with that he hung up and continued pacing waiting for their arrival.

Forty minutes later a visibly shaken Noelle and a barely awake Frank walked up to Sam still pacing the outside floor of the ER.

_"Sam?"_ Noelle asked as they drew closer.

_"Is she ok?" _

_"Yes, no, I don't know"_ Sam answered running his hands over his face, through his hair and back down.

This caused Noelle to turn a worried glance towards Frank before looking back to Sam.

_"What happened?"_

Sam pulled out his phone and showed them the text Andy sent.

_"I went over there and broke into her apartment; she drank a bottle of sleeping tablets and a bottle of whiskey. They pumped her stomach and she's on a suicide watch now"_ Sam was not able to cover up his worried expression as he stumbled through his words.

_"What!"_ Noelle shrieked drawing the attention of everyone in the parking lot and ER.

_"I know, I know! And I don't know what or why! I need to give a statement coz I brought her in then someone needs to stay with her, the doc is letting one of us stay to watch her, but I can't go in there and someone needs to be there for her when she wakes up, but I just can't, not after..."_

_"Sam slow down. I'll stay with her, I know that this is hard right now, but you can't crack ok? What about Tommy and the Rookies?"_

Noelle was always like the mother hen of the roost over the rookies. That's why Sam thought she'd make a great mom one day.

_"Doc is restricting all visitors, and we need to get the department shrink to come see her, doctors' orders, but for now they are monitoring her organs for damage and won't know much till she wakes up...if she wakes up"_ Sam felt a tremor rip through him and the cold air outside was not the cause of it.

"_Sammy, it's not the same, you got her here in time ok. You can't think about that now. Let Frank take your statement I'll go see how she's doing. As for the rookies we'll tell them she took personal leave ok"_

With that Noelle gave Frank a look of sadness as she made her way into the white halls of the hospital.

Maggie was kind enough to show Noelle the way and soon she found herself in a room occupied by only a bed a chair and a few machines.

Glancing at the pale sleeping frame of the former rookie Noelle felt her heart break not only for Andy and what she was going through to want to do this but for Sam too and what he was going through.

Walking over to Andy's side Noelle placed her hand gently over Andy's hand as she whispered in the silent room.

_"You had better make it McNally for Sam and the Rookies, or I will find you in heaven or hell and I will kick your ass, you got it?" _

A tear broke free of Noelle's eye and ran its way down her cheek before she noticed it fell. She let go of Andy's hand and pulled the chair closer settling in to the uncomfortable plastic of the seat.

Frank came into the room to find Noelle telling a sleeping Andy stories of her adventurous days at the academy.

_"What?"_ She asked seeing him raise an eyebrow although his lips were tugged up in a smile.

_"Nothing. Um... Sammy wants to know if you can stay a few days, he can't come in here and see her. I'll pass the paperwork on to you when I see you. Sammy will be staying tonight though outside on a chair. Do you need anything?" _

_"Her to wake up so I can kick her ass"_ Noelle sighed.

_"I know. But any idea on why she did this?" _

_"Nope I know she had a fight with Sammy but not big enough to be so stupid. And I don't suppose we can ask the rooks?" _

_"Nope we'll have to wait till she wakes up then. I'll drop some stuff off for you on the way in, call me if you need anything". _

Frank left Noelle and Andy, said goodbye to Sam sitting on a chair outside her room and left. He would defiantly need to have a talk with Jerry and Oliver in the morning, as well as get McNally's door fixed.

That's how they stayed the night. Noelle telling Andy stories of her academy and rookie days, and Sam sitting on a chair outside her door.

Both shrouded in fear and worry not only for Andy and the possible repercussions of her actions, but also for each other and their friends.

**- good/bad? **

**Review & let me know!**

**J.**


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for all the awesome reviews/ alerts please keep them coming, they really make my day!

You guys have been awesome & totally blown me away!

Thanks to Kelly2727, have you read her fic's yet?

A/N; Someone I know committed suicide on Saturday leaving behind a beautiful daughter, spunky son & awesome wife.

This chapter is dedicated to Bernard- gone but never forgotten! & Kuifie - & kids, in our thoughts & prayers with Love xxx.

**Chapter 4**

When the sun rose the next morning, there was a chilly fog settled in the air outside the hospital, like a thick blanket of white coldness it wrapped around the world in an icy silence, enveloping it in its clutches.

Sam had sent Noelle texts throughout the night asking if she wanted coffee and again when he returned with it. Not once did he have the inclination to go into the room. Then again the urge to be in that room at times became so overwhelming, that he went in search of liquid reprieve at the coffee shop. Although if they had the alcoholic kind he knew he would be incapable of standing on his own two feet right about now.

Those stolen moments were an escape, but only from the familiar sight of the chairs, floor and wall that surrounded Andy's door.

The sad tug at his heartstrings remained, as did the rampant thoughts and worries that circled his mind like a predator hunting its prey.

Noelle sent Sam texts every hour saying Andy was ok and no changes had occurred throughout the night, unless Sam came back with a coffee, then her updates were done with reassuring smiles and soothing words in person.

Although the words 'it'll be okay' never left her mouth, because truth be told she was not sure they would be, and was not about to utter such a blatant lie.

As the morning hospital staff shift came on duty, a nurse came in to Andy's room to check her vitals, and before leaving she looked at Noelle and managed a weak smile before strapping both of Andy's arms in the soft brown leather straps that lay loosely resting at her side through the night.

"_I'm sorry, it looks like she's starting to wake up, I have to strap her in now as she's on a suicide watch. It's procedure. It's for her own safety as well as ours"_ the nurse left closing the door with a soft click behind her.

Noelle was out the room as soon as the nurses' words were cold going in search of Sam.

_"Sammy, she's ok, looks like she's waking up"_ excitement bubbling in her voice, even though her bursting through the door caused Sam's face to cloud in panic.

The clear sign of relief washed over his face once her words settled in his brain.

_"Yeah?"_ Sam's smile didn't quite reach his eyes, but it was there.

_"Yeah, do you want to sit with her for a while?"_

Sam felt as if the walls were closing in on him. Yes he wanted to sit with her...but he couldn't. So he merely shook his head no before casting his eyes back down to the floor tiles.

Parade started as usual, a buzz of activity filling the room as the fact that Andy was late was not missed by the rookies.

Traci kept throwing wayward glances between the door and Andy's empty seat, hoping that whirlwind Andy would blow in before Best did.

Nope, no such luck.

Best took to the podium before launching right into his briefing.

Muddling through his words, he simply kept it short and sweet.

Wrapping up with pairings, Best watched as the rookies still kept looking towards the door, by now having noticed that Swarek was missing too.

_"McNally took some sick leave, Swarek is out on Personal Time and Williams is on an assignment. Barber, Shaw my office. Serve, protect and do not do anything stupid"_ Best hoped that he could at least buy some time with those excuses as he made his way to his office followed by Jerry and Oliver.

_"Close the door"_ Frank said as he took a seat on the end of his table.

_"We have a slight problem, what I'm about to tell you does not leave this room, not even to Nash. Especially not to Nash"_ Best had their attention with that statement, drawing wide eyes and worried expressions them too having noticed the missing partners.

Running over the nights events with them, Frank watched as their faces clouded with concern and he knew it was for both McNally and Sammy.

_"Shaw you'll be solo today, so take Barber and take a quick trip to see Sam, check on things and get back to me." _

Both men nodded before leaving passing Boyd in the doorway as they left Best's office.

_"Where is he?"_ Boyd yelled as he walked into Best's office slamming the door behind him causing it to reverberate a loud lull through the office as the glass and blinds swung and slammed in a jostle of clear annoyance.

Frank took a seat in his oversized black office chair, and leaned back slightly as he pushed his hands together, fingertips touching, his face an unreadable expression of emptiness.

_"He's taking some personal time, so he's out of your little assignment"_ Frank said as he watched Boyd move towards the table before slamming a hand down on it sending a loud crash through the office with enough force to rattle the tables contents. His cold blue eye's flashing a fit of rage as his hand met the dark wood.

_"No, he is going to do this. What personal time does he need? You get him here in one hour Best! Do you hear me? One hour! I will be back to pick him up and so help me if he is not here when I get back"_ Boyd yelled before storming out of the office and the 15th.

Andy woke up feeling anything but herself.

Well that's what so much whiskey will do to you, she though wryly while she lay still, with her eyes still closed, her nose scrunching up slightly at the distasteful aroma that filled her nostrils.

Man her stomach was on fire, and she had the worst taste lining her mouth, along with a thick tongue and dry pallet. Even her throat and nose burned. They felt like she had swallowed razor blades.

She tried to lift a hand to her face, to rub her eyes as she always did when she woke up, only to find her arm restrained by a heavy weight, ceasing all free movement.

Feeling panic rise through her, Andy suddenly tried to jerk her arm free of whatever was holding on to it, as her eyes flew open and she stifled from crying out.

_"Andy, it's ok"_ a familiar voice sounded in the room as Andy focused her eyes on Noelle who walked towards her, laying a warm soft hand on Andy's left hand still bound by its restraints.

_"Noelle?"_ Andy was disoriented and had panic written all over her face as she looked down to see the brown bands firmly secured over both her wrists, her eyes wide with a million emotions flashing through them in mere seconds.

Yanking on them Andy tried to free herself, before eventually giving up in a sigh of frustration as tears glistened in her eyes.

_"Andy, you're in the hospital. You're ok, but those have to stay on for your own protection. Do you remember how you got here?"_ Noelle's voice was soft but held a hint of something else in it. Almost a razors edge filling her tone- shiny but sharp.

Andy just shook her head, her memory failing to recover the last 24 hours of her life. Although the time was immeasurable to her.

_"Do you remember leaving work yesterday?" _

Andy kept quiet for a moment trying to retrieve the memories of yesterday from her minds filled archive.

Andy felt the tears prick her eyes as the memories of the day before slowly came flooding back.

Her finding Sam's Guns & Gangs paper, their fight, him saying goodbye.

She remembered going home and having a glass of wine then a shower, then she remembered the phone call, the call that told her of her mother's death. She remembered the whiskey, her call to her dad, the ghost image that stared at her from the bathroom medicine cabinet mirror, the pills.

Then nothing.

Just a black Void of emptiness.

Emptiness and silence.

Noelle saw by Andy's face that her memories were flooding in, recognition of her actions portrayed in her emotions and expressions.

_"Wanna talk about it?" _

Andy just looked up at Noelle and shook her head before laying back down, closing her eyes as the tears began to fall freely now.

_"How...how did I get here?"_ Andy had no memory of how she got here.

_"Sammy found you and bought you in"_ Noelle's voice hitched as she said his name, almost if she was angry at having to say it out loud.

_"Sam?" _

Clear confusion was now gracing Andy's features as she tried to recall seeing him last night.

_"Yeah Sam, Sam that called me at 1am to come sit with you, Sam that found you and brought you in after you did something incredibly stupid. Sam who has been sitting outside this room but refuses to come in here all night, your partner Sam."_ Noelle's voiced raised in anger as her sharp tongue spat the words out.

_"Sam's here? But...but he...he's leaving...he said goodbye...he can't be here"_ Andy was shaking her head as if that would chase away the thoughts.

_"Oh believe me when I say he doesn't want to be here, but you kind of didn't give him a choice did you?"_ Noelle took a step back as the words left her mouth, instantly regretting them.

Luckily the door swung open and in walked a short red haired nurse, causing silence to fall between the two women.

_"Hi Miss McNally, I'm glad you're awake. Now we're going to take you down to have some tests done, so we'll just pull this up over you and off we go" _

The nurse pulled Andy's blanket up over her covering her wrists as she undid the brakes on the bed, unclipped the heart monitor from Andy's finger and began pushing the bed out the door, the drips swinging in motion with the wheels as they rolled forwards in silence.

Sam heard rather than saw the nurse enter the room leaving the door open. His gaze was permanently fixed on one spot on the glistening white floor tiles.

Oliver and Jerry found Sam sitting in the hallway back up to the wall, head resting on it and eyes closed.

_"Hey Brother"_ Oliver greeted as he rested one hand on Sam's shoulder.

Sam opened his eyes not surprised by their presence.

_"How's she holding up?"_ Jerry said leaning taking a seat next to Sam.

_"Noelle says she's awake and hanging in there"_ Sam's voice was barely a whisper as he leaned forwards and rested his elbows on his knees hanging his head forwards.

_"So you haven't been in to see her?" _Oliver raised an eyebrow towards Jerry knowing this was not a good sign.

Sam stayed hunched over and just shook his head in the slightest as an answer.

The foot end of Andy's bed suddenly made an appearance in the doorway as the nurse pushed it out into the hallway. The movement caused Sam to sit straight up and look left towards the doorway as Andy's face rolled past out into the hall.

Sam sat staring at her eyes as they came to line up with his. She lifted her head slightly as if disbelieving seeing him sitting there.

His gaze frozen to her liquid brown irises, which were nestled in red rimmed, puffy sockets and accompanied with black rimming the bottom of her sunken in orb's.

Unable to look away Sam sat and watched as the bed was rolled away until it was out of sight before he let out a heavy sigh and stood up.

He suddenly kicked the row chairs in front of him sending them flying out of their neatly packed row lining the wall as he ran his hands up to his hair and stalked out the door.

**- I love Noelle's character in the show, just think it's kind of underrated- hence my reason to use her so predominantly. Hope you all approve!**

**- & I seriously can't see Andy doing something so stupid, but I'm working with different idea's so hope you enjoy, don't forget to review & make my day!**

**J.**


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for all the awesome reviews/ alerts please keep them coming, they really make my day!

Special thanks as always to Kelly2727!

**Chapter 5**

Jerry, Oliver and Noelle shared a worrisome look between themselves at seeing Sam's reaction to just seeing Andy wheeled away in the hospital bed.

_"Um... Noelle I'll stay a while with Sammy and McNally. Go home for a while just let Frank know I'm out of commission. Take the cruiser and drop Jerry off? I'm gonna head to the coffee shop and get Sammy some breakfast"_ Oliver handed over the cruiser's keys to Noelle before walking away in the directions the signs pointed in.

Jerry and Noelle left the hospital seeing no sign of Sam. He needed time to cool off; there was no point in smothering him. They'd been friends since the academy, Oliver since high school, obviously his reason behind staying.

Oliver found Sam back in the chairs outside Andy's room as he walked down the hall carrying three cups of coffee and a brown paper bag no doubt filled with food. Tucked neatly under his arm was a large pink and white teddy bear.

Oliver walked into Andy's room and put the teddy bear and coffee down on the chair. Strange no table he thought as he walked back out to sit next to Sam, handing him a coffee and the bag.

_"Zoe put you on a diet?"_ Sam tried to resort to their usual friendly banter at seeing Oliver not eat when food was available, in a futile attempt to hide his emotions and cover up his frustration but he knew he was failing miserably.

_"Nope"_ Oliver's reply was solemn.

_"Then?"_ Sam raised an eyebrow at Oliver holding back.

_"Just not hungry. Kinda can't talk with a full mouth, you know? So gonna tell me how you're really doing?"_

_"Fine, I'm fine"_ Sam looked back down at the tiles knowing Oliver had already seen through his lie.

_"Sammy, you're not fine. I can see you haven't slept. I can see what this is doing to you. I saw your reaction just now to seeing her. It's gonna eat you up inside and kill you" _

_"Sammy!"_ Boyd's voice suddenly interrupted their conversation, by booming through the hallway as he slowly approached them. _"What the hell man? Forget about our appointment?"_ Boyd said, his voice radiating anger.

_"Nope, I'm not going"_ Sam said as he stood up to face Boyd.

_"No Sammy you're going. You signed up for this so let's get your shit and go, we're late"_ Boyd was not backing down, his tone stern and adamant, yet filled with a fiery edge.

The sound of running wheels turned their attention to a bed moving down the hallway towards them.

The nurse wheeled Andy back into her room, with Andy having her eyes closed as she wheeled her past them and closed the door.

_"McNally? You're throwing this away coz you're Rookie's in the hospital? Come on Sammy, I thought you had tapped that and gotten over it already!"_ Boyd suddenly found himself pushed up against the wall that was behind him, having glided through the row of neatly packed chairs that someone had straightened out.

Sam saw black while Boyd sputtered his words out. He lunged forward and had Boyd up against the wall his left forearm pressed against Boyd's throat as his right hand pushed up against his chest.

Sam took a deep breath as he leaned forwards and raised his right hand pointing his finger directly into Boyd's face.

_"You never talk about her that way, got it?"_ Sam whispered through clenched teeth with enough venom to freeze someone's blood.

_"Sammy, back off"_ Oliver calmly placed a hand on Sam's shoulder pulling him back.

Sam slammed Boyd into the wall before letting him go and stepping backwards.

_"You're done Sammy! I'll have you're badge for this! You and your little Rookies"_ Boyd spat as he straightened his jacket.

Sam took a step forward before slamming his right fist into Boyd's face, sending him reeling backwards until the floor came up to meet his backside as Boyd sprawled out on the white tiles of the floor.

_"Sammy, enough let him go"_ Oliver grabbed Sam's arm this time.

Sam spun around and walked down the hallway as he passed people that had stopped to stare.

_"Boyd, it'd be a good time to go now, nice seeing you by the way, you know down there and all"_ Oliver didn't wait to watch Boyd make an exit, he moved down the hallway going in search of a quiet area where he could make a call.

She answered after three rings

_"Hello Ollie"_.

_"Hey, how's my girl?" _Oliver couldn't help but smile at hearing her voice.

_"I'm good, Zoe and the girls?"_ She asked although he knew that wasn't her real question.

_"They're good. Um...listen could you maybe come down here for a few days? I have a feeling Sammy might need you, although he'll deny it"_

_"Is Sammy..."_

_"Oh no, Sammy's fine. Well he's not fine, but he's in one piece. Um...remember back at the academy when...you know..."_ Oliver couldn't say the words.

_"Oh God... He didn't?"_

_"Sarah just breathe, not Sammy, McNally. Look it's a long story ok; I'll tell you when you get here. It's worse this time. I don't know if Sammy will keep it together much longer, he was supposed to leave this morning and he didn't. He found her, he's still at the hospital and won't leave, but won't see her either. Boyd came down here to fetch him; he hit Boyd with his right hand. You know as well as I do Sammy never ever throws a punch with his gun hand". _

_"Who is McNally? Isn't that his partner?"_ The slightest hint of sadness crept into Sarah's voice as she spoke, mingling with hints of panic and confusion.

_"Um...yeah you can call her that"_ Oliver wasn't quite sure what to call Sammy and McNally right now.

_"Ok I'll come. Where is he?"_

Oliver relayed the details before hanging up and making his way back to Andy's room.

He found her lying alone in the room staring out the window that rested behind a wire mesh skin of protection.

_"Hey McNally"_ Oliver said as cheerful as he could manage as he sat down in the chair next to her bed.

Andy glanced over at Oliver trying to manage a weak smile.

"How you doing?" Oliver shifted nervously in the chair.

Andy just stayed silent as she watched Oliver.

He noticed the pink and white teddy bear resting on her bed just where her hand could reach it. She was playing with its foot, fiddling and fumbling with it as a sign of nervousness.

_"See you like the Teddy, thought you could use the silent company"_ Oliver said with a soft chuckle.

_"This was you? Thanks Oliver"_ Andy replied, a soft smile tugging on her lips as she watched Oliver nod slightly.

_"So um...you wanna talk about it?" _

Again Andy just shook her head as a saddened look played on her face.

_"You know, you scared a lot of people there for a second."_ Oliver's lips pursed into a fine line as he watched her.

This time Andy nodded a yes.

_"So why don't you tell me about it? You know we're here for you guys, not just on the job right?" _

Again Andy nodded in agreement as she looked down, disappointment in herself clouding her eyes.

_"I mean it McNally, not just the Rookies, but even Jerry, Noelle, me and Sammy too" _Oliver saw her wince at the mention of Sam's name.

_"Is he..."_ Andy looked up as she spoke with her voice so soft he wasn't sure she even spoke.

_"Yeah, he's still here."_ Oliver couldn't help but smile at her question, as he watched her face light up at his response.

_"He's just having a hard time now, so give him some space?" _Oliver knew he was pushing a wedge in the gap at the moment but it was probably best for them both.

_"Yeah, well, that's on me right now isn't it?"_ Andy couldn't help but keep her voice from cracking by the end of her sentence.

_"Look Andy, there's more here than meets the eye, so just give him some space."_ Oliver really wanted to say more than that, but knew it wasn't his story to tell.

They sat in silence for a while, until the door opened and Noelle reappeared.

_"Hey guys, thanks Ollie. Frank asked that you check in with him when you leave. Thanks for staying"._ Noelle turned to Andy and gave her a small smile and a nod as a greeting.

_"Ok, then, see you McNally, Noelle"_ Shaw left heading out to find the squad car before heading for the barn, not seeing Sam as he left.

Lost in his own thoughts as he drove back to the barn, Oliver thought over the past. A gentle tug on his heartstrings reminded him of the way he watched Sam crumble and break back then.

The past had defiantly taken its toll on all of them, but they had learnt to be a bit stronger, live more, and laugh louder and most importantly to love unconditionally.

All of them except Sam that is.

He had stopped living until he started doing undercovers.

He'd forgotten how to laugh and began to detach himself from life in general. He went in seek of the thrill of the adrenaline rush danger presented as if he was testing the fact that he could feel anything.

He however, never showed fear. Whether or not he felt it, it was never present. He had detached and distanced himself so much that he lost a large piece of himself along the way.

Oliver smiled as he let one last thought run through his mind as he pulled into the barn's parking lot- that was Sam until Officer McNally barged into Fifteen Division and Sammy's life.

Andy and Noelle sat through lunch in silence. The nurse allowing Andy to have her left hand out of its restraint in order to eat.

Noelle sat watching Andy for some time after lunch was done, in silence although the look on her face spoke volumes.

_"Ok, stop! Just stop doing that"_ Andy suddenly burst out.

Noelle had been waiting for Andy to snap under the pressure of her hardened stare.

_"So she speaks! What would you like me to stop McNally?" _

_"Looking at me like that, with all that pity, and...and whatever else it is you're looking at me with. Ok so I screwed up, I'm sorry, but it's my problem ok, so I don't need anyone to look after me and to pity me, or feel sorry for me..." _

_"How dare you!"_ Noelle's temper flared suddenly as she jumped up from her chair marching forwards towards Andy. She hesitantly reached out and loosened Andy's restraints.

_"How can you call what you've done a screw up? Do you actually have any idea of what you have done to Sam? I don't pity you McNally, I feel sorry for what you've been through. You think I want to be here? I'm here because my FRIEND asked me to be here for YOU, because HE can't be here right now! I'm gonna get a coffee, so you do what you want."_ Noelle stormed out the room, slamming the door enough to startle Sam into jumping in his chair.

_"She's fine, don't worry!"_ Noelle said before backing away and moving down the hallway in the direction of the coffee shop.

Sarah made it to Victoria Mercy in record time, concern for her brother rising with each mile she drove towards Toronto. It was dark and the air cold by the time she arrived and parked before going in search of him.

She found him slouched over in the chair Oliver said he'd be in when she arrived.

_"Sammy"_ she whispered as she stopped in front of him.

_"Sarah? What are you doing here? Let me guess Oliver?"_ Sam stood up to give his sister a hug, relief and worry spilling over him as he realized why Oliver called her to come down.

_"Sammy what's going on? Why are you here and why do you look like crap?" _

_"Sarah!"_

_"No Sammy, don't Sarah me. You tell me what the hell is going on here!"_ Sarah's voice raised an octave louder than she intended_. "Is she in there?"_ Sarah moved towards Andy's door before Sam reached out a hand to stop her.

_"No"_ Sam said as he pulled her away from the door.

_"Then tell me why you would be willing to sit here, looking like shit after your partner decides her life isn't worth it! Tell me Sam, why you are willing to go through all of this again. God damnit you're even willing to throw away your career over her. I heard what you did to Boyd. As much as I hate you doing it, it's your career Sam, you can't just throw it away over some thirty-something year old Rookie!"_

_"Twenty-eight"_ Sam suddenly dared to speak as his sister went on her ranting spree.

_"What?"_ She shrieked at what she was hearing_. "She's a kid Sam. No wonder she's so screwed up! How can you do this to yourself? Is she really worth it Sam? Worth going through it all again and losing everything, including yourself along the way?"_ Sarah was clearly not impressed by what she was hearing as she looked at Sam who had stood himself between her and the door in case she tried to go in again.

Movement behind Sam caught Sarah's attention and she looked over Sam's shoulder to see sad brown eyes peering at her through a crack in the door.

_"Damnit!"_ Sarah sighed as she dropped her head down to her hand and making Sam spin around in time to see the door inch closed.

_"Shit!"_ Sam sighed in frustration as he walked passed Sarah and kicked the row of chairs again, sending them sprawling in all directions.

_"Sammy I'm sorry, I didn't know she was there. I just don't want to see you go through this again! But I see why now. You're in love with her aren't you?"_ Sarah's voice was shaking as much as she was as she stepped towards Sam.

_"Sarah I gotta go, I'll see you at home ok? Get the keys from Oliver, he should be at the barn"_ Sam turned around and left making his way to his truck with one thing in mind- a stiff drink at the Penny.

Sarah found Oliver at the barn, and was overwhelmed by hugs from Jerry, Oliver and Frank.

_"Walk me out?"_ She asked Oliver hoping to catch a minute alone with him after she spent an hour catching up on lost time with them all. _"So McNally huh?"_ Sarah didn't quite know how to start what she wanted to say_. "Is she worth it Oliver? And I mean truly and honestly worth him putting himself through this kind of punishment IT?"_ Sarah decided the straight approach would be the best.

_"Yeah, yeah she is. She's a good kid Sarah. She just has some issues."_ Oliver smiled although he felt bad at being questioned on McNally.

_"I mean it Oliver. Does she deserve my brother? Is she really worth it enough to have Sammy?" _

_"Sammy deserves her Sarah."_ Oliver saw by the look on Sarah face that she was not expecting that kind of answer.

_"But as you said, she's a kid" _

_"Look all I'm gonna say is give her a chance. Her age doesn't bug Sammy, so don't let it bug you. She's young and idealistic and sometimes hopelessly naïve, but she is as Sammy would call it- an awesome person. She's passionate about everything. She's a great cop too, the honest, caring kind. I think Sammy needs this Sarah, even though he stands in his own way, he really needs this, he just needs to admit it first"_ Oliver surprised himself by his little speech, impressed himself even. _"I called you down here to be here for him, so don't stand in his way Sarah." _

Sarah had a smile grace her lips as her Swarek dimples came out.

_"Really? You honestly believe everything you just told me? Without a doubt?"_ Sarah was hesitant, and had to be sure.

_"Yeah, I do, without a doubt. It's different this time Sarah. She's worth it and so is he. Now go cook Sammy some home cooked meal"._ Oliver opened her car door and watched as she drove away.

Hopefully this would help Sam in the right direction, the whole you have to be cruel to be kind- approach.

Noelle found Andy sitting on her bed, her hands fidgeted with imaginary fluff in her lap, her eyes a clear giveaway to the fact that she had been crying again.

_"So you stayed, I expected to find an empty room"_ Noelle said as she handed Andy a coffee.

_"Look about earlier, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have blown up in your face like that. You need support, not bullying. I'm sorry"_ Noelle had genuine sincerity in her voice as she apologized to Andy.

_"I probably deserved it"_ Andy said not looking up.

"Andy, I had no right to say what I did to you. Sam has been a friend since we went to the academy together. I, Jerry, Frank and Sam have been friends since then Oliver and Sam go back to high school. But there are things that happened in the past that were hard on Sammy, really hard, and I don't want to see him go through the same suffering again. I lashed out and you were in the way, I'm sorry"

Andy had heard Noelle and the other woman refer to something from the past, Sam's past but what could have been so bad that they were scared history was repeating itself?

_"Um...Noelle..."_

"Yeah McNally?" Noelle knew what Andy's next question would be without having to hear it.

_"Thank you" _

_"Yeah, anytime"_ that had surprised her to say the least.

_"Noelle?"_

_"You want to know don't you? What happened?"_

_"Yes, I do, I really do, but maybe it'll be better if I don't. It's not really any of my business anyway, I mean he's just my partner and..."_

_"Ok you're rambling. I don't know if I should tell you, but maybe it'll help. It will make you understand better. Look if I tell you this, you can never tell anyone you know, especially not Sam ok? Ever! No matter what!"_ Noelle was watching Andy's reaction carefully. Maybe it would be better if she knew, better for both of them.

**-anyone wanna take a guess on the story line of Sam's past?**


	6. Chapter 6

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Ok- so here I go again with my AU idea's... Hope you enjoy it!

**Chapter 6**

_"Look if I tell you this, you can never tell anyone you know, especially not Sam ok? Ever! No matter what!"_ Noelle was watching Andy's reaction carefully, yet keeping her emotions a blank on her face as she spoke.

Maybe it would be better if she knew, better for both of them.

But then again maybe not.

It was a chance she would have to take.

Taking a deep breath, Noelle leaned back in the chair before she began to speak in a tone similar to a whisper, her hands fidgeted as her words drew out-

_"Sam was in high school when he met Erica. They dated all through school and went to prom together; you know had the whole high school sweetheart's thing going. Well they graduated and Sam joined the academy, Erica went to law school. She wanted to be a lawyer. She would have been good at it, had the whole bitch thing going. Sorry I never really liked her. Anyway, we were Rookies when Sam seemed to change just enough for us to notice it. He planned on settling down. He proposed and she said yes and life went on. A few months later all hell broke loose when she had an affair with a junior partner at some law firm where she was an intern. She fell pregnant and terminated the pregnancy. Sam found out and confronted her, she admitted it all, the affair, the abortion and the fact that she didn't know who the father was. She wanted a career, not kids. So Sam left her. He went to the Penny and got hammered. Totally and utterly hammered beyond recognition. The barman called Oliver to go get him and he spent the night passed out on his couch. Oliver wouldn't let him leave; he wanted to ask Erica why. The next morning Sam went home and found her, pretty much the same way he found you. It broke Sam's heart; you know killed a little piece of him. That's when he started doing undercover. He was good at it because he was so easily able to detach himself from being Sam. Detach himself from the pain" _

Noelle took a deep breath as she watched Andy's reaction closely before continuing.

_"In all the years from then till now Sammy has kept love of any kind out of his life. Kept any emotional attachment to anything away, as far away as he could. He wouldn't even take home a stray dog, or a puppy. Until you kicked in that door and tackled his ass. Sam changed when you arrived at 15th Andy. He became Sammy again. But then you go and pull a stupid stunt like this."_ Noelle sighed in frustration as she remembered exactly why they were here.

_"I...uh...I didn't know"_ Andy said in a voice that sounded as if it belonged to a small child.

Except for the emotion and heart-breaking tone her voice held, that belonged to a sad adult.

_"I know, that's why I told you. That's why he won't come in here, why he won't come see you. It's not that he doesn't want to, he just can't right now"_.

_"I need to talk to him Noelle. Will you please call him, tell him I want to see him"_ Andy knew she had to. She had no idea what words would come spewing out in her anxiousness, but she had to say something.

_"And say what? How sorry you are? The damage has been done McNally, there's no going back now. He...uh...he left a while ago, with his sister anyway"_ Noelle felt bad for Andy as she watched a frown cross her brow and her eyes mist up in watery betrayal of her heavy heart.

She screwed up, and now she wanted to fix it. But the chance of that was slim to none.

_"He left? He was supposed to go..." _

_"Yeah well he tuned Boyd's offer for that down"_.

Andy gave her first genuine smile at Noelle's statement hearing Sam had not gone to Guns & Gangs after all. Although it lasted only a few seconds before it slipped away, almost as if she felt guilty at the feeling of happiness now filling her heart.

The night wore on as Noelle told Andy stories of her rookie days, trying to get her to talk about why she landed up here in the first place, but Andy kept avoiding the questions and defecting them as best she could.

Soon the room was filled with silence as Andy stared at the ceiling and Noelle was left to wonder if she had done the right thing by telling Andy Sam's story.

After a while Andy looked over at Noelle with almost a pleading look filling her eyes.

"Yeah McNally?"

_"Um...do you think maybe someone can check on my dad? He...started drinking again... I'm kinda worried"_

Jackpot! Noelle thought as she stood up and made her way to the door.

_"Sure, I'll call Shaw quick"_

When he answered Noelle heard the clear signs of him drinking at the Penny.

_"Hey Noelle, everything ok?"_ He asked, making Sam look up as he heard her name.

_"Yeah, I think I might know why McNally was so stupid. Can you stop by Tommy's and check on him, she asked, says he started drinking again"_

_"Yeah, sure, I'll head over now, call you later"_ with that Oliver closed his phone before looking at Sam saying _"Come on Sammy, let's go for a drive"_ Oliver said sliding off his bar stool, not waiting for Sam.

When they climbed into Oliver's car, Oliver noticed Sam had a fear stricken expression on his face,

_"Don't worry, she's fine. We're not going there; we're going to check on Tommy"_. Oliver started the car and pulled away, heading in the direction of Tommy McNally's apartment, driving in a tension filled silence.

Once there, they knocked but got no answer. Sam remembered Andy telling him about the times she had to climb in the fire escape window, so Sam motioned to Oliver to stay put and headed back down the stairs and out the building.

Five minutes later, Sam unlocked the door to a surprised look from Oliver before motioning to a passed out Tommy on the couch, empty bottles strewn across every open inch of floor and coffee table in front of him.

Oliver let out a low whistle as he took in the sight.

_"No wonder you wouldn't let her stay here..." _

The reference was made to when Andy left Luke and went to stay with Traci.

The place was small and cramped and looked like a shit hole.

Sam walked over to Tommy and gently shook his shoulder, calling his name in a bid to rouse him.

Having no success, Sam grabbed a glass from the kitchen, filled it with tap water and walked back over to Tommy before pouring the cold liquid out over him.

That got a reaction.

Tommy jumped up before slipping off the couch, landing face first down on the dirty carpet clinking the empty bottles together as he went.

Looking up Tommy had a confused look as to why Officers Swarek and Shaw were standing in his apartment, and why he was laying on the floor.

Oliver stepped forward and helped Tommy regain his footing before sitting him down on the couch.

_" 'Llo Boys"_ Tommy mumbled as he eyed the bottles scattered around obviously looking for something to remedy his hangover.

_"Tommy"_ Oliver greeted while Sam looked on with a look of disgust on his face.

_"Is my Baby-Girl okay?"_ Tommy blurted out as if he suddenly remembered his daughter through the mist of haze.

_"Um...yeah about that..."_ Sam said stepping forward and wiping the bottles off the table, seemingly unfazed by the fact that he sent them crashing to the floor.

Taking a seat square in front of Tommy, Sam sat down on the table before leaning forwards to look at Tommy with wide, dark eyes, a look of contempt and disgust filling his face.

_"Wanna try explaining what the hell is going on here Tommy? You've been sober for six months, care to share why you've derailed the train completely?"_ Sam was making no secret of his anger.

_"Well I...I just had a few. I told Andy that...you know when she called"_ Tommy was looking everywhere but at Sam or Oliver.

_"Uh-hu...you spoke to Andy, like this? When was that?"_ Sam was still staring at Tommy hoping to unnerve him.

_"Um...this afternoon...I think, what day is it?"_ Tommy had clearly dank himself into such a stupor that he lost his days.

_"Tommy you couldn't have spoken to Andy today, she's in a...a hospital...um...out of state, coz she's sick, so tell me when you spoke to her, I need you to think about it nicely ok buddy, work with me here"_

Tommy's eyes grew wide at Sam's statement, and his face went paler as he heard Sam say Andy was in the hospital

_"Is she...okay?"_

_"No Tommy, she's not ok, so think about it and tell me when you spoke to her"_ Sam was now pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

_"She called me...you know, to ask if I'd heard...about her mom. She didn't run off to start a new family, she died..."_ Tommy's voice dissipated to a broken sob by the end of his sentence.

Sam cast a glance to Oliver when he heard the news that was probably really hard on Andy, maybe even her breaking point.

_"Ok so explain to me then why you are sitting here, like this, at the bottom of a bottle, instead of helping your daughter Tommy, coz you see I don't get how you would rather do that than actually be there for her"_ Sam had stood up mid-sentence and paced the thin space between the table and Tommy's legs in an attempt to keep his anger under control.

_"Sammy...she doesn't need me, she...she's gonna be ok...she's... a McNally"_ Tommy couldn't find words to even describe his own daughter. That thought sent Sam's resolve spinning out of control.

He turned to Tommy and grabbed him by the scruff of his long sleeve grey checked shirt and pulled him up off his feet.

_"She's your daughter Tommy, your only child, and you can't think of anything to describe her by other than her last name? She tried to commit suicide Tommy, as in kill herself, and she very nearly succeeded! No I don't think she's gonna be ok, coz as long as she has a drunk for a father who gives her nothing other than pulling her down with him, she will not be ok. What she needs Tommy is to forget this shit and move on"_ Sam spat the words out before shoving Tommy back, causing him to stumble backwards before crashing down on the couch as he watched Sam walk out the door, mumbling a _"I'm done here"_ as he passed Oliver on the way out.

Oliver found Sam leaning against his car, hands jammed into his jeans pocket, when he came out.

_"Another drink?"_ Oliver wasn't sure what Sam wanted to do or where he wanted to go.

Especially at having seen his temper rage to that closely resembling that of a demon, possessed by the rage of hell itself.

_"Nah, take me home please, I'll get my truck tomorrow, and Sarah's probably waiting..."_

Oliver nodded as he pulled away from the curb, making his way towards the Swarek residence.

Sam slammed the door closed as he entered his house, causing Sarah to jump a mile high off the couch.

_"Sammy, I was getting worried..."_ She said as she moved towards Sam who was fishing in his cupboards in the kitchen.

_"I'm fine"_ he growled moving past her towards his bedroom, with the whiskey clasped solidly in his hand.

_"Sam...it's not the answer, it's not gonna help"_ Sarah said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Sam stopped dead and spun around to face her.

_"You know what, you're probably right. But I'm gonna drink this 'till it's done, then I'm gonna come back and get the other one, then I'm gonna drink that, hoping to understand why people who have everything in the palm of their hands, just to drown it all out by this"_ Sam's voice came out as a strangled yell as he waved the bottle around in the air between him and Sarah.

_"Sam" _

_"Not now Sarah"_ Sam mumbled as he walked away slamming his bedroom door behind him.

Half an hour later Sarah still sat on the couch watching late night shopping channels, when she heard the sound of breaking glass, before Sam yanked his bedroom door open, walked over to her as she moved into the kitchen and held out his hand whispering a _"keys"_.

Sarah could see that he probably had none of the whiskey to drink, his temper having probably caused him to throw the bottle at the wall instead, so she pointed out her keys hanging on the key hooks by the door, as she silently watched him take them off with the spare house keys before walking out the house.

With a heavy sigh Sarah tried to turn her attention back to the aimless junk being promoted on the TV, but thoughts of Sam and the woman who had him tied up in knots plagued her mind.

It had been years since she had seen Sam riddled with guilt, locked up in the dark depths of pure unabridged rage, fierce hurt and what could only simply be described as heartache and worry.

He was obviously shouldering the weight of the situations guilt on his own shoulders, but that was Sam's nature. Because he took on the burdens of those he cared for of his own accord, helping lesson their painful weight by sharing the load as he so aptly put it in words to Sarah once.

If that was what he was doing for his Rookie, then Sarah surmised that his feelings ran pretty deep.

And that was not something Sam took lightly and threw around for just anyone, it was an unspoken privilege he reserved only for those closest to his heart.

Namely counted on one hand.

Remembering back to her conversation with Oliver, Sarah thought of him saying that they deserved each other. The only thought that ran through her mind as she remembered Sam's face as he left was, _'if she hurts him, she better be dead, if she's not she will wish she was'_.

Remembering how the past had effected Sam, Sarah could understand why people killed for love- she would gladly kill Officer McNally for hurting Sammy, but from what she had seen on Sam's part lately, he would kill without hesitation if and when it came to McNally.

With the daunting thoughts playing out in her mind, Sarah never felt her eyelids slip closed as she dozed off into a fitful sleep on the couch.

**A/N; so I hope this chapter did not disappoint anyone! And hope my outrageous idea as to Sam still being unattached was believable. **

**So leave your mark by reviewing & let me know what you thought?**


	7. Chapter 7

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Ok, so here is the chapter that everyone has been waiting for...hope you won't hate me by the end of it!

**Chapter 7**

Frank was surprised to see Sam in full uniform the next morning as he made his way to start parade.

_"I can't sit there anymore"_ Sam said as Frank came to stand next to him, eyeing him out in uniform.

_"You sure?"_

_"I can handle it Frank. I need the distraction"._ Sam said as he ran a hand over his face.

Frank just nodded before walking away to start parade, although his thoughts were weighing heavy with concerns for both Sam and Andy.

Sam was paired with Diaz, probably Frank's idea of trying to get him to reconsider coming back now.

Shaw and Epstein were paired as regular partners and Peck and Nash were paired as the only two left after booking and front desk were thankfully appointed to other officers.

They all hit the streets ready to catch the bad guys.

Noelle and Andy's moods had improved since the day before. They spent the morning happily talking about anything and everything, laughing and joking.

Noelle sensed the old Andy returning to the surface of the distant shell of an Andy she was left dealing with over the last two days.

Although Noelle still saw the traces of sadness in Andy's eyes, she managed to see more of her old Andy smiles. They even flickered happiness across her eyes occasionally.

It was close to lunch time when Noelle asked Andy if she wanted coffee from the coffee shop before excusing herself to go get them some.

Andy was lost in thought as she sat waiting for Noelle to return.

Thoughts drifting between her Dad, her mother's abandonment & subsequent death, Sam, the fact that none of her friends had been to see her.

She was grateful that her restraints had been left off, after promising Noelle and the nurses that she would behave herself.

No more stupidity!

She was pulled from her trail of thought as she heard a commotion in the hallway. _'Probably Sam getting into it again' _Andy though as she climbed out of bed. She would end this one way or the other, now.

She opened her room door and peered outside, casting a wayward glance to the right down the hallway, when she suddenly felt a fluffy arm cross her neck and yank her backwards into a solid entity before she felt the cold metal of the front of a gun touching her cheek.

Noelle came around the corner to a sight she never expected to see. A man yanked Andy towards him, putting his gun against her cheek as he yelled at the hospital security guard that was approaching from the front.

Taking a step backwards Noelle reversed silently around the corner and dumped the coffee in the trash can before pulling out her phone.

_"Frank, we have a serious problem" _

Noelle whispered into the phone as a shot rang through the hallway before being followed by another two.

Chris was happy to be patrolling with Swarek. Everyone told him he needed to loosen up and who better to learn that from than the cop that invented colouring outside the lines right?

Swarek had driven them towards a diner citing coffee as the need when the radio cracked to life.

_"All units please respond to a hostage situation at Victoria Mercy. One armed suspect, one off duty officer as patient, one off duty officer as visitor involved. Shots fired; I repeat two off duty officers involved shots fired" _

Chris had never seen Sam's face the way it was now. It was a mixture of pale skin sudden thrust with pure undeniable fear that danced all the way to his eyes.

_"God damit McNally!"_ Sam suddenly yelled as he hit the steering wheel before flipping on the lights and stepping on the gas.

_"Mark car 1505 on route"_ Sam growled into the radio.

_"Um...Sir...McNally's at the hospital?"_ Diaz asked as Sam rounded a corner.

One look from Swarek told him that the conversation was over before it even started.

Andy's heart rose to her throat as she realized the severity of her situation. The person that the arm around her neck belonged to was not afraid to use the gun in his possession. The security guard was asked once to stop when he dared to take a step forward, he got a bullet to the chest. The orderly that ran out to help him was shot in the back for trying to help him when he was asked to stop.

The third shot fired was a warning as the gunman _screeched 'anyone move, you're next'_, his warm breath flushed over Andy's neck and cheek as he spoke.

_"Is there something you need?"_ Andy suddenly heard her own voice speak, before she could muzzle it.

_"What?"_ The faceless gunman spat in her ear as they took a few steps back.

"_Is there something you need? To you know, stop this?"_ Andy's voice was more stable than she thought it might come out as.

_"Yeah, you to shut up, ok while I think"_ came the whispered reply.

Sam and Chris were first to arrive on scene, running through the ER doors as people ran out, some screaming, some calmer than should be.

Sam came around the corner of the hallway close to Andy's room gun drawn straight to the sight of Andy treading backwards, her bare feet slipping on the smooth, polished floor as the guy pulled her backwards, arm around her neck gun still pointed at her cheek.

Drawing in a deep breath, Sam felt panic as he glanced at Andy for a split second before forcing his gaze back to the lunatic standing behind her.

This was the second time that they had seen each other since Andy was admitted, and it was defiantly not how Sam imagined the circumstances unravelling. He preferred things to happen on his own terms, rather than have his hand forced.

Avoiding Andy's gaze, Sam knew that for him to keep himself in control he would have to remove himself from the situation, at least on the emotional side. No way in hell was he physically leaving her here.

_"Hey buddy"_ Sam said as he stepped forwards slowly.

Diaz stopped the minute he heard Sam's voice taking a moment to think as he stood with his back to the wall hidden around the corner.

_"Stop Officer or she'll get it"_ the gunman shouted causing Andy to jump in fright at his loud tone sounding suddenly through the air.

_"Ok, I'll stop right here, but then you stop walking too"_ Sam looked straight at the gunman, never meeting Andy's gaze.

Sam's suggestion seemed to stop the man, having satisfied him that Sam would not come closer.

_"So how about you put the gun down, and we talk about this?"_ Sam tried his powers of persuasion but to no avail.

The man laughed in reply.

Chris looked up to see Oliver and Dov come barrelling through the door, followed by Nash and Peck.

No sounds could be heard, besides the soft pitter patter of their boots on the floor tiles, squeaking as they stepped in behind Chris.

_"Ok how about my buddy comes out here, unarmed and takes away these two huh?"_ Sam said motioning to the two injured men.

_"Yeah sure"_ the gunman nodded his approval.

_"Diaz, come out slowly, hands up gun holstered and drag away the two injured"_ Sam called over his shoulder never letting his gaze leave the gunman's.

_"Yeah sure"_ Oliver hollered back motioning to Chris to stay put, before stepping out from behind the wall.

Oliver proceeded to drag both men behind the wall where the others were still waiting further instructions.

As Oliver pulled the second body around the corner, Diaz and Peck moved out behind the wall to help him with the hefty weight of the burly, unconscious security guard. The shooter saw the wave of blue move into view.

Without hesitation the shooter moved his gun away from Andy's cheek, swinging it with incredible accuracy and speed to the right of Sam before pulling the trigger.

As soon as the shots rang out Chris flew backwards, gasping for air and Peck crumpled to the ground screaming in pain as Dov and Oliver yanked her behind the wall.

_"Chris! Gail"_ Andy yelled trying to run forwards before the shooter yanked her back into him, the cold front of the gun again resting in chilled silence against her cheekbone.

Sam just shook his head at the scene playing out before him.

The shooter had speed, and flawless accuracy. He did not look wired on anything other than adrenaline. He spoke as though he was educated and coherently. Military or police force of some kind for sure.

Andy could feel the tears sting her eyes as they let loose having been witness to her friends being shot.

Sam for the first time since he came into Andy's sight looked towards her, acknowledging her presence, and slowly shook his head as if to tell her to stop fighting the gunman who still had an arm wrapped around her neck.

_"Shaw?"_ Sam called out knowing she wouldn't keep still until she knew they were ok.

He needed her to keep still if he was to get a clear shot sometime.

_"Diaz took it to the vest, Peck to the leg, they're ok"_ Oliver called back his voice rising above the gasps for breath coming from Chris and the whimpering and crying coming from Gail.

_"Why did you have to do that buddy?"_ Sam said trying to draw the shooters attention back to him.

_"They shouldn't have moved like that. They scared me"_ the shooters tone was cold and callous, no remorse evident from his actions.

_"Ok, fair enough, so tell me what I can do to help out here ok? No one else needs to get hurt."_ Sam was trying to find out what this guy wanted.

_"They killed her, and now she's gone"_ the reply was not what anyone expected.

_"They as in who killed who?"_ Finally Sam spoke after a moment's silence, allowing the gunman's words to sink in.

_"Them, the doctors, killed my wife, Callie" _

Andy was still pulling against the shooters arm, causing him to look down at her and mumble a _"stay still"._

That was the last thing Sam wanted, his attention on her.

But maybe a distraction would let his attention be drawn away for a second.

_"Hey, McNally, you holding up ok there?"_ Sam yelled over.

_"Wait you two know each other?"_ The shooter was surprised. Although he missed her calling out the shot officers by name minutes earlier.

Andy nodded to both questions although she was swirling around in a whirlpool of fear and panic.

_"You a cop too?" _

Again Andy could only muster a nod to confirm.

_"So tell me about Callie"_ Sam called out drawing his attention back away from Andy.

_"She was beautiful, and intelligent, and witty. Everyone's friend you know. She came in here asking for help, and they let her die. Do you know what it's like Officer...Swarek? To lose everything? To have the one thing you wanted the most in the world, taken away from you? Well do you?"_ The shooter was letting his emotions run wild as his eyes misted with tears at the memories.

_"Yeah, I kinda get the feeling"_ Sam said, sincerely.

_"Oh and how is that Officer?"_ The shooter was not convinced Sam had any understanding to his state.

_"Um...her...the woman standing with your gun in her face, well she's my partner"_ Sam's voice wavered in the slightest although his words were firm.

_"Her?" _

Sam just nodded, not daring to look at Andy anymore; he averted his gaze back to the cold one of the man standing behind her.

_"She's just your partner, how can you even try to compare your partner to my wife?" _That thought sent the shooter's temper flaring.

_"Trust me, I get it ok!"_ Sam countered.

_"Really? You seriously expect me to believe that you know what it feels like to love something so much that you would shoot someone, no questions asked? Without hesitation? To protect it?"_

_"Yeah you should, coz I'm willing to shoot you in the head right now, if you don't let her go. So yeah, I know. I totally get it"_ Sam spluttered out before his brain had a chance to filter the words.

_'Great'_ Sam thought as the words rang out loud to his own ears.

_'Just what I've always wanted to say, and now it comes out in minced words, to someone else, about her'_ Sam thought dryly, hoping that his face was at least keeping its composure of a subtle, blank expression.

Andy stared at Sam with wide eyes, her mouth falling open slightly.

_'Did he really just say that?'_ Andy couldn't help the bubbling feeling that she suddenly felt warm her up inside. Kind of like the fuzzy feeling you get from drinking too much champagne.

Sam saw her stiffen and looked back at her before asking _"McNally you ok?"_

Having thought it over Andy figured that this guy was at the point where he had nothing left to loose. He was not planning on giving up either, having let the stand-off run well over forty minutes.

Choosing her words carefully, Andy spoke hoping Sam would catch on.

_"Yeah, I'm ok. You know getting SHOT IN THE SHOULDER does that to you. Thinking things THROUGH AND THROUGH makes me feel peachy." _

Moving her one hand down Andy held up 5 fingers indicating the shots already fired. Closing her fingers she gave a split second before flashing her 5 fingers twice before holding up only three. She hoped he understood what she was saying. The shooter had fired off 5 shots, that left 13 bullets available, 12 in the magazine and 1 in the chamber. Those were bad numbers when narrowed down.

Sam listened to Andy and raised an eyebrow at her suggestion. A small smile graced his face in disbelief as he gently shook his head letting a low chuckle rumble out his mouth.

_"So we gonna put down our guns now, so nobody else gets hurt?"_ Sam asked again as he took a small step forward.

Seeing his movement, the shooter pulled his gun away from Andy's cheek and pointed it at Sam well aware of the fact that Sam had his pointed on him since he stepped into the hallway.

_"Not a wise choice to step forwards Officer"_ the shooter drooled out.

Backup had arrived and officers filed into the small space around the corner of the wall, hidden from view. Hearing the shooters words, Oliver and four other officers stepped out from behind the wall, all trailing their guns on the shooter, who still had his gun on Sam.

Knowing full well that they wouldn't shoot him with one of their own as a human shield infront of him, the shooter pulled Andy slightly to the right making her take a small sideways step, as he swung his gun again to the right before pulling the trigger sending another officer sprawling backwards, sliding across the floor as their vest took the shot. Seconds later the gun was back on Sam.

Andy widened her eyes at Sam before giving a slight nod in his direction, as she tried to force a small smile. She trusted him enough to patrol with him every day. She knew he was a good shot, one of the top 3 in their division. She trusted that enough, along with her gut, to know this was the right thing to do.

Sam knew she was right.

He knew, that she knew, that this guy wasn't giving up.

Sam pinched his eyes closed for a split second. Opening them he found Andy still staring at him, her eyes flooded with a fiery look.

Sam glanced behind the shooters shoulder to see Noelle peeking out from behind the wall, obviously unarmed. She saw him look her way and gave a small nod, as if to tell Sam Andy was right. There was no easy way out of this.

Sam looked at Andy, his eyes filled with sorrow, and a look of apology, less graceful that what she had expected.

Pushing all other thoughts out of his mind he closed his eyes into barely open slits before squeezing the trigger, one single gunshot echoing through the silence of the hallway.

As soon as Sam pulled the trigger, he regretted the decision to do so.

He stood frozen as he watched Andy and the shooter tumble a step back before crumbling to the ground in a mass of tangled limbs.

He watched as the shooters gun dropped to the ground with a loud clank before sliding away from him on the floor.

He watched as Andy hit the floor, clutching at her right shoulder with her left hand as she let out a gut-wrenching, blood curling scream, mingled with the tears that ran down her cheeks.

The shooter hit the ground next to Andy screaming every obscene profanity in his vocabulary, as he too clutched his shoulder.

Sam watched as the deep crimson colour of Andy's blood stained her white hospital gown before seeping out over the white tiles.

He was vaguely aware of sudden movement by the officers on his right rushing towards the shooter and holding him down, retrieving his gun.

He was vaguely aware of the buzz of activity brought about by hospital staff rushing over to Andy and unfortunately the shooter.

He was only vaguely aware of this because all he could focus on was the soft whimpering sob's coming from Andy as she lay on the floor bleeding.

Because he shot her.

Oliver came over and gently placed a hand on his shoulder, while Noelle walked over to Andy and bent town to talk to her while the nursing staff assessed her on the floor. They soon had a stretcher rolled in and lifted her up on to it before wheeling her away with hurried footsteps.

Sam turned to Oliver, handed him his gun and walked out of the hospital without saying a word.

He went back to the barn, parked the squad car, made his way to the locker rooms and took a twenty minute shower.

All the time, his tongue never slipping loose a word, or his eyes focusing on those of another living soul.

Changing into his own clothes he left the barn, never uttering a word to anyone although he felt like ripping their faces off for the looks of pity they passed his way as news obviously spread of the disastrous outcome at the hospital.

Sam was glad he had picked up his truck on his way in, otherwise he might just have never left the Penny now.

His mood was as black as dark rum, as ragged as tequila and as sharp as Jack Daniels. No way would he leave there on his own two feet.

He made his way home in silence, not even bothering to turn on the trucks radio.

Finding Sarah out was of some relief as he found his house empty and quiet. Grabbing the unopened bottle of whiskey from the kitchen, he took a seat on the couch not bothering with the TV. There he sat sipping whiskey out the bottle as he tried to erase the images burned into his eyes.

Sarah found Sam hammer drunk on the couch, feet up on the coffee table when she came home.

_"Sam! Damit, I thought you were passed this stage!"_ She yelled seeing the virtually empty bottle still clutched in his hand.

_"I waaaass"_ he slurred.

_"Then why the hell are you sitting here drunk off your ass?"_ She yelled moving to try claim the bottle from his hand.

"Yooou seeee, sis, coz McNally..."

_"McNally? This is again because of McNally? Oh I am so over this crap!"_ Sarah yelled, discarding her attempt to retrieve the bottle, instead storming for the front door, slamming it on her way out.

Andy woke up, searing pain ripping through her shoulder.

Noelle stepped over when Andy's eyes fluttered open whispering a _"hey kiddo"_ with a smile big enough to engulf her face.

_"Glad you're back with us. How's the pain? You want some more morphine?" _

Andy just shook her head, she didn't want to go back to sleep. Looking down, she saw her right shoulder bandaged with her arm firmly braised in a sling.

_"Nice work. Not normal, but you earned a lot of respect today"_ Noelle held out a glass of water for Andy to sip through a straw.

_"Chris and Gail?"_ Andy pleaded for news as she suddenly remembered them through the fogginess of the day's events.

_"Diaz is fine, just bruised ribs. He went home a while ago. And Peck's out of surgery. She'll be ok, unless she gets arrested for murdering a nurse. You'll be ok too, clean through and through just below the bones"._ Noelle let out a soft giggle.

_"Um...Noelle, why haven't they come to see me yet?"_ Andy felt abandoned by her friends. But had not yet worked up the nerve to ask Noelle why they had not been to see her.

_"Doctors' orders. He restricted visitors to Sam and me, pending your chat with a psychologist. We didn't tell them anything, except that you were out sick" _

_"Oh"_ Andy felt a wave of guilt rush over her, the original reason for being here not forgotten.

_"My dad?"_

_"Um...Oliver went and checked on him, he's ok. They told him about why you're here, but not where you are, coz they found him passed out. I'm sorry Andy. You're dad told them about your mom, I'm really sorry, I can just imagine how tough that was"_ Noelle's words bought tears to Andy's eyes as she listened to the heartfelt words.

_"Yup, me too"_ Andy whispered.

_"Is that why?"_ Noelle knew she was pushing her luck here, but Andy needed to open up and talk about the craziness that went on in her life.

Andy nodded her lips keeping silent.

_"And the thing with Luke, and my dad getting hammered and Sam leaving. It was too much, so I got a little drunk and made a stupid mistake. It wasn't what I intended to do, at all. One thing led to another, and it seemed like a good idea at the time you know? An answer. No worries, no trouble"_ Andy suddenly blurted out the admission in a strong voice, which surprised Noelle.

_"You know what? Now I know you're gonna be ok"_ Noelle smile and patted Andy's hand as the door opened to reveal Frank standing in the doorway.

_"McNally"_ frank took the subtle approach, unsure of what Andy's already fragile state was currently like.

_"Sir"_

_"Um...Noelle I need to take your statement, McNally I'll take yours when you're feeling better. But that was probably one of the stupidest things any Rookie has ever done, but also one of the bravest. Nice work McNally". _

_"Thank you sir, Noelle think you can bring me a juice back?" _

_"For you, anytime"_ Noelle gave Andy a wink before leaving with Frank.

Andy closed her eyes and let her mind wonder, happy to know that her friends were okay, and that she had been honest with Noelle. Her burden felt lighter, no more world weighing down her shoulders.

Andy must have drifted off to sleep; suddenly there was a commotion and a presence in her room yelling at her. Confused and bewildered, her eyes flew open to find a woman staring at her.

_"McNally?"_

_"Are you McNally?"_ The woman screeched.

Andy merely nodded.

_"Oh so you did something stupid again?"_ The woman motioned to Andy's wrapped up right shoulder, taking a deep breath before continuing.

_"Do you have any idea of what you've done? I don't know you, and I have no intention of ever getting to know you, so you get your shit and you get the hell away from my brother. Get out of his life, before you make him do something stupid. There is no way, I'm going to let you make him fall apart more than he already has, got it! Here is a bus token to Vancouver, and some cash. I'm sure you can get a transfer from there. Now you get out of his life and stay the hell away from him, before he loses himself"_ the woman slammed the bus token and cash down at the foot of Andy's bed before storming out the room slamming the door behind her.

Andy remembered the woman from the hallway with Sam.

Staring at the token and cash Andy felt the warm tears well up in her eyes. Leaning forwards despite the stabbing pain in her shoulder Andy grabbed the token and cash and stuffed it under her pillow just in time before Noelle opened the door and came back into the room.

Andy had some of her juice before asking Noelle to get the nurse to bring her some more morphine. Soon Andy was forced into a drug induced, fitful sleep as the woman's words played over and over in her mind.

Sarah arrived home to find Sam passed out pretty much as she left him. Grabbing a blanket from the hallway closet she draped it over him, whispering a soft "I'm sorry Sam" before going to bed.

Andy woke up to find Noelle sleeping in the chair next to her bed. Darkness had settled in on the room, an eerie silence accompanying the blanket of blackness.

_"Noelle" _

_"Mmmm...McNally?"_

_"The guy...the shooter,..."_

_"He's okay, he'll make it. He's a marine and was touring Iraq a few years ago when his wife died in a car accident. He only found out when he came home, months later. It devastated him, and brought on Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome, he sorta stopped taking his med's and had a meltdown, can't really blame they guy though". _

_"Oh. That's just so sad. Noelle?"_

_"Yeah McNally?"_

_"Please go home and get some sleep. I'll be ok and I'm sure Frank misses you" _

_"No McNally. Go back to sleep"_

_"I'm fine ok, I promise not to do anything else remotely stupid. Please?"_

_"Can you honestly promise me that?"_ Noelle said sitting up straight.

_"Yup I promise, NO stupid stuff"_ but that doesn't mean I promise not to run, Andy thought in silence.

_"Ok, only for tonight. I'll be back tomorrow, so behave"_ with that Noelle gave Andy a smile before walking out the room, softly closing the door behind her.

Andy needed time to think, alone.

Maybe the woman was right, but not just about Sam. Maybe she was pulling everyone down with her. Maybe starting over would be a good thing, better for everyone.

Andy reached under her pillow and pulled out the bus token. It was valid for 3 months.

Good thing too, she couldn't get up and walk out the hospital wearing their gown, no keys to her apartment. Maybe she would be released soon.

**-sorry I just had to bring out the bad Sarah, although I don't think she's bad, I think she doesn't actually know what's going on. **

**Don't forget to review!**


	8. Chapter 8

*Thanks for all the awesome reviews/ alerts please keep them coming! They really make my day!

*This was my favourite chapter to write so far, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it!

*And I know the last chapter was not what you were all waiting for- but Sam & Andy did see each other... This chapter is waaaaaay better, I promise! & I'm posting so soon, just coz you're all so awesome, so enjoy...

**Thank you Kelly2727!

**Chapter 8**

Morning came too soon for Andy after a fitful night's rest.

Most of the night was spent in a stationary position on her back, pain cursing through the gunshot wound. The rest of the night was spent lost in depressing thoughts revolving around her life and the sharp-tongued words the woman dared to utter out loud.

The doctor checked up on her and said she could be released that afternoon, as long as she continued to take her medication, stayed off work for three weeks, and did desk for another three before returning to patrol. She also had to keep up her physiologist appointments to be cleared to return to active duty, and get a little physio on her shoulder.

As promised Noelle returned baring gifts of coffee and sandwiches from the diner close to the division. Andy was rather surprised that Noelle even knew what she liked, as the coffee and brown roast beef and cream cheese where her favourite kind.

After telling Noelle she could leave, they gathered Andy's few items, before signing her out and Noelle took her home.

Still wearing the hospital gown when she got home, Andy could not wait to shower and dress in her own clothes.

Noelle stayed, helping Andy dress after her shower, and dress and clean her wounds before Andy told her she'd be ok, and promised to call if she needed anything before subtly kicking Noelle out.

As soon as Noelle left Andy went in search of her phone.

First she called Alice from the hospice to find out when her mother's funeral would be. It would be held next week, after the weekend as they were fully booked. That left Andy 4 days to get there.

Next she called Frank and asked for a transfer to Vancouver, siting her reasons he reluctantly agreed when she promised to see a therapist there before going back on duty. She also made him promise not to tell a single soul at the division that she was leaving.

The next call she made was to the bus terminal, booking a seat for the 9pm one way to Vancouver tonight.

Andy spent the rest of the day packing up essential items and those she wanted to take with her. It was tough having one hand to do everything with, as well as dealing with the constant pain cursing through her veins and shoulder.

Andy called the taxi service and booked a pickup for 7pm. That would leave her time to grab something to eat before she rode the overnight.

Sam spent the day doing things at home after he woke up with a hangover ordered straight out of the gates of hell.

He went to see Jerry at the barn, to give his statement about the shooting and reluctantly agreed to meet him and Oliver for drinks at the Penny when their shift was done, as he was off rotation until the shooting had been cleared.

Sam walked into the Penny to find Oliver and Jerry already enjoying an ice cold beer, even though the winter weather outside chilled to the bone with the recent flurry of snowfall.

_"Brother"_ Oliver greeted seeing Sam walk over.

Jerry put a beer down in front of Sam the minute he sat down on his usual chair.

_"No Sarah?"_ Oliver asked knowing she was still here.

_"Nope, she'll drop by just now"_ Sam said as he stared at his bottle before taking a sip, before setting it down loudly on the bar counter top, before staring at again in silence.

Jerry excused himself to join a detective as he walked up to the bar close to them, leaving Sam and Oliver in muted silence.

_"You know, you did the right thing"_ Oliver said in a hushed mumble without looking at Sam.

_"Yeah"_ Sam mumbled without taking his eyes off his beer.

_"But, you did wrong by Andy not going to see her before the..." _

_"Not now Oliver, I need..."_

_"If not now then when Sammy? It's not fair to Andy and it sure as hell isn't fair to you. Anyone with eyeballs can see how you feel about her, but you're letting the past hold you back! If you truly feel for Andy what I think you do, then you my friend need to let her know that. I seriously don't think what you had with Erica was the real thing, but this is and if you keep screwing it up you're gonna lose it and her. So my only suggestion to you is admit it, and be there for her, but with her!" _

Oliver took a deep breath after his long speech, and was ready to launch off again when he heard the door to the Penny open.

At that moment Sarah entered the Penny, taking the seat next to Sam that Oliver vacated, excusing himself to the men's room.

Exchanging pleasantries, they sat and made small talk, noticing that Frank and Noelle too came to join the patrons of the Penny for a drink after shift.

Sam seeing Noelle here and not with Andy worried him, so he excused himself before making his way over to her.

_"So changed your mind on our little McNally yet?"_ Oliver asked Sarah as soon as Sam was out of earshot after returning to his seat.

_"No, defiantly not"_ Sarah said anger creeping into her voice.

_"Why not? After yesterday, she's quite the little hero"_ Jerry chipped in.

_"Oh really and what did she do to deserve such a status upgrade?"_ Sarah spat out.

_"Didn't Sammy tell you? She took a bullet for about eight officers yesterday, including our Sammy there. Although he was the one that had to shoot her"_ Oliver replied, his tone somewhat sombre.

_"Wait what? Sammy shot her?"_ Sarah shrieked after spitting out a mouthful of wine.

Oliver replayed the day's events and watched as concern crossed Sarah's face.

_"Sarah, what did you do?"_ Oliver's tone was clearly stern.

_"Um...I gave her a bus token to Vancouver and some cash and told her to stay away from Sammy and out of his life"_ Sarah said casting a worried glance is Sam's direction in time to see him making his way back over to them.

Seeing a sad look on Sam's face Oliver figured Sam heard.

_"You ok there Brother?"_

_"Yup...um McNally was discharged this morning"_ Sam said before clearing his throat.

His eyes portraying the feelings of loss that mirrored his face at obviously being kept in the dark about her release.

Oliver moved away and said a shaky _"um...gotta talk to Frank"_ before moving away.

_"Frank, did McNally take a transfer to Vancouver?"_ Oliver asked not wasting time as soon as he reached them.

_"Oliver why would you ask me that?"_ Frank mumbled not able to look at Oliver.

_"Coz Sarah put her on a bus to Vancouver and told her to stay away from Sammy, so I kind of figured she's gonna run"_ Oliver said looking back at Sam who sat silently staring at the wooden top of the bar counter.

_"Damit, she promised me she wouldn't do anything stupid"_ Noelle mumbled shaking her head.

_"We gotta stop her; she's making the biggest mistake of her life. The Rookies on tonight?"_ Oliver turned back to Frank who nodded.

_"Call Nash to check the bus stations, get her and Epstein to track down that bus now"_ Frank said as he looked at Noelle before she gave a silent nod, and they left the Penny, heading back towards the barn.

_"Um...Sammy can I ...uh have a word outside, now?"_ Oliver said as he went back to join them, his vicious stare at Sarah not missed by either Sam nor Jerry who re-joined the group.

Andy grabbed a burger and coke from the cafe at the bus station before checking her bags in and boarding the bus.

The city had grown dark as the winter night fell, the lights of the city lighting up the soft snowflakes as they fell, blanketing the streets in an icy whiteness.

Andy wiped away her tears as they fell on the way over to the bus station; she said her goodbyes to the city streets as the cab drove through them.

Streets that were her second home, and held the memories that made up her life.

Streets she was willing to protect with her life.

Twenty minutes into the bus ride, way outside city limits Andy sat resting her head on the glass of the window next to her, watching the world scroll by as the bus took her further away from Toronto.

Catching the flicker of lights on the building walls, she saw the familiar red and blue lights dance across the buildings and colour the snow in a kaleidoscope of red and blue.

The colours reminded Andy of what she was leaving behind.

She thought of Traci- the best friend she ever had.

Chris - so by the book, but a stand-up guy of note.

Dov - oh God his incessant babbling would be enough to drive the deaf crazy.

Gail - kind of a bitch, but when she believed in something or someone there was no holding her back.

Oliver - the fatherly figure she missed out on from her own dad.

Noelle - one in a million! Worth more than her weight in gold.

Her Dad - ok, skip that thought momentarily

Sam - the most stable, longest relationship she'd probably ever had.

A silent tear rolled down Andy's cheek and she wiped it away with her fingertips as she let out a soft sniffle.

The blue and red lights grew bigger, as a cruiser pulled up next to Andy's side of the bus before pulling away, disappearing in front of the bus.

Another cruiser stayed tucked neatly behind the bus, not passing, just hovering.

The bus seemed to be slowing down, causing concerned looks to pass between the passengers.

Some held looks of fear on their faces, as they eyed the other passengers

The bus pulled over and came to a stop before the doors opened and voices filled the tense air.

_"Andy McNally, you get your ass up here now, and you get off this bus" _Noelle said as she climbed the stairs and boarded the bus stopping in front of Andy.

_"Noelle...how did you?"_ Andy was shocked to see the faces of Dov and Traci come to stand behind her.

_"Seriously? After all the crap you pulled, after taking a bullet for Sam, you just jump on a bus and run? Are you brain dead? coz I sure don't get it"_ Noelle had one hand on her hip the other pressed against her forehead in a clear sign of distress.

_"Noelle you know why I can't stay. You know why I can't do this to him all over again"_ Andy said standing up to face Noelle.

_"Don't you think that's for him to decide? You made your choices now let him make his"_ Noelle countered, as she gave Andy her famous stare.

_"Come on Andy, you figured it out once, you'll figure it out again."_ Traci spoke up for the first time as she gave Andy a reassuring smile.

_"Yeah, Andy, nothings real but the love"_ Dov said knowing what the conversation was about.

Was it seriously that obvious to everyone?

Sam and Oliver pulled up behind the cruiser behind the bus and climbed out before Oliver put a hand against Sam's chest and gave him a look. _"Give them a minute Sammy"_ he huffed out a whimper louder than a whisper.

Frank pulled up in a cruiser with Sarah, stopping across the street facing the other direction.

They sat and watched through the windows as Noelle spoke to Andy, who just shook her head.

Sammy walked over to Frank and Sarah to watch Andy through the window, hoping she would get off the bus. His facial features appeared schooled, although the clear signs of distress shrouded his brows to anyone who looked closely enough.

_"Frank, call her, let me talk to her, this is my entire fault. I'm so sorry Sammy"_ Sarah said as she held out her hand waiting for Frank's phone.

_"Hello"_ Noelle answered her phone on the second ring.

_"Give her the phone"_ Sarah said and watched through the window as Noelle held out the phone to Andy.

Andy took the phone, and mumbled a soft _hello_ into it as she held it up to her ear.

_"Don't hang up okay, please! I'm so sorry for what I said, both times, I didn't wanna see Sammy get hurt again okay, so I did what I thought was the right thing, but I was so wrong. I asked someone if they thought Sammy deserved you and they said yes, he does, but now I can see that you deserve him to, so please don't do this! Sammy needs you, and I know you need him too, so just give him a chance please. Sammy's not doing too well, you know, and I know that only you can help him and he needs this, he really does so please, stay"_ Sarah choked up on her words and ended the call as she watched Sam lean against the front of the cruiser watching the bus, eyes straight ahead, hands jammed in his pockets, his demeanour that of a man waiting on death row.

_'Wow she really was worth it if she had the staff sergeant, three senior officers and two fellow rookies chase down a bus and pull it over to stop her from leaving'_ Sarah thought as she watched everyone rally round to stop one woman from leaving, when she forced her to. Her eyes moving between Sam and Andy as guilt flooded her heart.

Maybe she was Sammy's it, the one that could fix Sammy's broken heart, although it looked like she had already healed it.

Andy handed Noelle her phone back watching everyone on the bus watching her as she had tears rolling down her cheeks that she could only wipe away now that her hand was phone free.

Sam stood frozen, watching Andy as she handed Noelle her phone back, having heard every word Sarah said through her open window.

Turning around Sam leaned down towards the window and said a soft _"speaker"_ to Frank as he stuck his hand in the open window.

Frank raised an eyebrow but handed it to Sam, who turned back around to face the bus, before growling a loud "McNally" into the hand piece.

Andy stiffened at hearing Sam's voice over the loud speaker.

_"Look I'm not asking for much, ok...I don't wanna be your whole life, just your favourite part. Sarah always told me 'fall in love with someone who deserves your heart, not someone who plays with it', and you know what, when I saw you I fell in love and you smiled because you knew. You and me, we could make the world jealous, and you know that I'll never let you go. You taught me to never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about, so this is me not giving up, but If you stay on that bus and you leave, and you start to miss me, remember I didn't walk away, you let me go". _

Sam handed Sarah the hand piece through the window and stood watching as Oliver stared at him from across the street and the majority of the bus passengers moved over to the windows to see him. Andy stood frozen to the spot her head hanging slightly forward as he spoke. Almost as if she was hanging her head in shame.

Sam said everything he wanted to say, all the words he held back on, had come tumbling out in one smooth motion, no emotion held back, no lies, no hesitation. Now it was all out there, he hoped she could handle the truth.

They say the truth will set you free, but... Was she ready for that kind of no holds barred, blatant, honest, meaningful truth? Was she in a state to understand it or even accept it?

She was already running, and in a fragile state, would this truth be what helps him keep a hold on her enough to make her stay? Or was this truth so vividly scary, that it would make her run twice as fast twice as far?

He watched as Andy moved away from his line of sight, disappearing into the crowd. He saw Noelle talk to someone before she walked off the bus followed by Nash and Epstein.

Noelle shrugged and Nash and Epstein both avoided eye contact with Sam as they walked back to their cruisers.

_"Hey Frank, mind if I stick around a while?"_ Sam asked not taking his eyes off the bus.

_"Sure Sammy. I'll drop Sarah at home"_ Frank said as he climbed out the car, Sarah following in silence.

Within minutes the two cruisers left carrying Frank and Noelle, Traci and Dov, Oliver pulled out behind them with Sarah in his car having offered to drop her at Sam's, leaving Sam still leaning against the hood of the cruiser that's lights still lit up the snow in flashes of red and blue, watching the still stationery bus.

**A/N; I loved writing Sam's speech in this chapter!**

**I know, the bus was kinda corny, but it was what worked, so I went with it! **

**Sorry to leave it here, but more twists & turns to come soon! And Cliffy's will make you come back for more... (I hope!)!**

**Don't forget to review! (Please!)**


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks for all the awesome reviews/ alerts & follows! I appreciate every single one of them! Please keep them coming!

You guys are all awesome!

Thanks to Kelly2727 as always!

**Chapter 9 **

Andy took a seat on the opposite side of the bus after listening to Sam's speech, moving over on shaking legs before plonking down on the seat, her legs neatly nestled in the middle of the walkway between seats.

Noelle Traci and Dov all looked at her expectantly, as if she would spontaneously combust.

_"Guess Sam's made his choice Andy, don't screw this up"_ Noelle said to her before indicating that they should leave the bus, Traci and Dov giving her knowing smiles as they moved towards the door, leaving the bus.

Andy only nodded as her mind processed Sam's words.

Sam was never one for words; he was the strong silent type. He was more of a by action kind of man, and boy did he pull out all the stops on that little show and tell stunt he just pulled. So much in fact, that Andy felt a tinge of guilt knowing that she was responsible for Sam's words and actions.

_"Hey Lady, what you waiting for? Get off the damn bus!"_ The driver suddenly yelled back towards her, drawing her attention back to reality.

When Andy looked up and saw the smile on his face she knew he meant it in a go get him kind of way and not a get off my bus kinda way, the thought bought a faint smile to her lips.

A chorus of _"Yeah's"_ sounded through the bus, every passenger agreeing.

"_Honey, did you really take a bullet for him?"_ The oldish lady to Andy's right asked.

_"Yup, but he's kinda the one that shot me"_ Andy said, without sadness or contempt lacing her voice.

_"What? No wonder you don't wanna get off the bus"_ a voice in the crowd shrieked.

_"No, it's not like that! We're both cops, and I was held hostage by a phsyco in the hospital, and they couldn't get a shot, so I kinda told him to shoot me, we're partners so I knew he would make the shot, and he didn't want to, but he had to, so he did and we have all this history, and..."_

_"Stop"_ the lady cut Andy's words short, holding up a hand wrinkled with the wisdom of age.

_"So you told him to shoot you so the person who took you hostage wouldn't shoot him coz the other loud lady said you took a bullet for him?" _

Andy nodded.

_"So you trust him to shoot you safely, and then you run away and he chases you, getting other cops to pull over a bus, probably illegally, and then he gives you a speech like that, and you're still on the bus?"_

Andy nodded again.

_"I think he wants you to get off the bus, he's still waiting for you"_ the woman pointed out the window where Andy saw Sam through the soft fall of snowflakes, still leaning against the cruiser, hands jammed into his pockets.

_"So he's waiting for this bus to drive off with you on it, or with you off it. Your friends left like half an hour ago, but he's still standing there, in the snow waiting. Honey I think you should get off the bus" _

The woman's speech drew a round of yeses and nods from the other passengers.

Sam stood staring at the bus, waiting for Andy to leave on it or get off. His mind is blank as he refrained from allowing the panicked thoughts of her not getting off to run freely through his mind.

When he heard the doors close and the engine start he felt himself tense up, but his eyes never moved from the bus.

His heart was hammering away in his throat as the bus stood idling for a few minutes before it signalled to move out into the road, before slowly pulling away.

Sam didn't know what he was expecting her to do, least of all actually get off the bus. At least that way he wouldn't be disappointed if she didn't.

Like he said- if she stayed on the bus, he didn't walk away, she let him go.

What he was not expecting to see was Andy standing on the sidewalk in the snow across the street, three large duffel bags resting silently on the sidewalk next to her feet as the bus pulled away, revealing the space behind it.

Sam took a deep breath as he looked at her. She looked tired, and pale. Rather vulnerable too. And something similar to lost. Yet she still took his breath away.

Unable to hide his dimpled smile, Sam moved off the hood of the cruiser and walked slowly across the street towards her.

_"So you got off"_ it was a statement meant to confirm her presence more than a question, yet Andy still nodded, even though she knew he only said it out loud to reassure himself that she was really standing there.

_"I'm glad you...um you know, decided to stay"_ Sam couldn't hide the smile on his face if he tried, although he cast a glance down to the snow covered pavement for a split second, to stop himself from reaching out and pulling her into a hug.

_"You made a pretty convincing argument, even the passengers we're telling me to get off the bus"_ Andy said as a blush crept up her cheeks, she'd never been kicked off a bus before.

_"Andy, look if you don't wanna stay..."_ Sam's words were cut off when Andy took a step forward and put her cold fingertips on Sam's lips.

_"I wanna stay" _

She whispered as she pulled back her hand.

Moving to pick up her bags, Sam eyed her then the bags.

_"How'd you get all this off the bus?"_ Aware she was still injured there was no way she would have taken all three bags off the bus.

_"Oh, I had a little help from the passengers that you convinced to throw me off the bus"_ Andy couldn't help but smile as she took a jab at Sam while he picked up her bags.

They crossed over the street to the cruiser, and Sam put Andy's bags in the back seat, before opening the door for her to climb in. He grabbed hold of the seat belt and pulled it over Andy's injured arm before clipping it in and closing the door.

He stood for a moment staring at her through the window without her noticing, he was finally able to let his heart slip back down to his chest from his throat, because she decided to stay.

The drive back to Toronto was made in silence as Andy drifted off to sleep, her head resting against the window as Sam drove.

He kept sneaking glances at her, as he drove, watching her sleep. This time she looked peaceful, and Sam knew that for now she was sleeping peacefully and contentedly.

He was so taken with how peaceful she looked when she slept, that he would not mind doing it for hours on end.

Shaking the stalker like thoughts from his mind, Sam silently scolded himself for the fact that he would even consider watching her sleep for hours. That was something he had never thought about with a woman- ever.

_'Who does that?'_ He asked himself, once again watching her as he stopped for a red light.

_'Me- with Andy McNally'_ his mind answered as he pulled away when the light went to green.

The thought causing an even bigger smile to tug his lips upwards.

Sam pulled up outside Andy's apartment leaving her to sleep while he fished out the spare key Frank gave him when he had Andy's locks replaced.

He ran her bags up to her apartment leaving them in the lounge, before returning to the cruiser to fetch Andy and bring her up.

Making sure she was safely tucked in bed, Sam left, pulling the front door closed to lock as he left.

Andy woke up the next morning to a loud knocking on her door.

Groggy and still half asleep, she stumbled to find the source of the loud banging, and who was responsible.

Swinging the door open she found Sarah staring back at her with wide eyes.

Stepping past a bewildered Andy, Sarah made her way into Andy's apartment, not missing the sigh Andy let slip as she passed her.

_"Um...morning"_ Andy managed to get out as she closed the door.

_"Sorry to just show up like this, but we need to talk."_ Sarah said watching as panic graced Andy's face.

_"Uh...okay"_ Andy said moving towards the kitchen putting on the coffee machine.

_"I know you probably don't want me here right now, and I understand that, but...I just wanted to apologize and thank you for staying for Sammy and giving him a chance"_. Sarah blurted out as she moved towards Andy before pulling back realizing that giving her a hug might hurt her injured shoulder.

_"I found Sammy passed out on the couch this morning..."_ Sarah started again before a whimper from Andy stopped her words from tumbling out freely.

Andy turned away from Sarah, unable to face her as her words settled in her mind.

_"Andy, please, this is important, to Sammy and me okay? I screwed up and I'm so sorry. I was just trying to protect Sammy, you know? I had no idea that this was how bad things were okay. Oliver told me that you had issues, but I had no idea that it was that bad. I had serious doubts about what you felt towards my brother, I'll be honest, but I meant every single word that I said to you on the bus. But even then, I had nagging doubts in the back of my mind, but seeing Sammy with you last night, hearing what he said to you, I saw how wrong I was. I know that he meant every word of it. I know Sammy meant every word he said, but I need to hear it from you. How do you feel Andy?"_

Andy whirled around, her eyes all red rimmed and puffy from the tears that threatened to spill, and those that had.

_"You seriously have to ask me that? After everything? Apparently that's been obvious to everyone but me and Sam."_ Andy's voice was betraying the undeniable emotion in it as she spoke.

_"But after what I did...making stupid mistakes...like you said he was passed out on the couch, God did drive him to drink just like my dad?"_ Andy put her uninjured hand over her forehead and closed her eyes.

_"No Andy, not passed out drunk, passed out asleep. For the first time in the days I've been here Sammy was actually sleeping. Relaxed enough to sleep because he knew you were safe and you stayed...for him. That says a lot. He didn't even hear me, and Sammy wakes up for the smallest noise, from being undercover you know. You know he won't do it again, because..."_

_"Won't do what? Go undercover? No he can't give it up to babysit me, I mean he loves that stuff, he's been waiting for a spot to open, so he has to go"_ Andy wouldn't let Sam give it up to keep an eye on her, no way.

Never!

_"Andy, stop okay. You're looking for a way out and I'm sure as hell not gonna give you one. Not this time. Sammy won't go under coz he has a reason to stay now. He won't stay to babysit you, he'll stay because he loves you, to be with you would be his reason to stay. Nothing else. Sammy was a badly broken soul you know, but it seems to have been fixed, by you. When Oliver called me to come to Toronto, he said it was different this time. I didn't understand how, until this morning, I didn't get it. Now having been through these couple of days with you and Sammy, watching and listening I realize Oliver couldn't have been more right when he said that. Sammy loved Erica yes, but not the way he loves you, and I think somewhere in her cold heart Erica may have loved Sammy too, in some sick, twisted way of her own, but not the same way you do either. The kind of love I see between you and Sammy is the kind they have in the movies, the kind they write fairy tales about. That's the true one of a kind for keeps forever kind of love. The one with the passion and fire and ice all muddled up. You will regret letting it slip away Andy, so please don't let it" _

Sarah was watching Andy closely as she spoke. She watched as Andy listened with intent, allowing the words to settle in.

She watched as Andy's war started raging in her mind.

_"I can't, he doesn't deserve this"_ Andy said waving her arm over herself. _"He deserves better than this"_ Andy moved away to pour their coffee, but also to hide her face from Sarah.

_"Andy, this what?"_ Sarah's voice made no attempt at covering up the frustration she was feeling.

_"This...this emotional wreck of a me. I'm damaged goods Sarah, haven't you seen that?"_

_"And you think Sam's not? Not because of you, but because of the things Sam's lived through. Why do you think he doesn't talk or open up? It's a defence mechanism. The things he's been through made him stronger and built a wall around his heart. You somehow broke down those walls and now you're stuck in there, and believe me when I say Sammy was telling you the truth when he said he's never gonna let you go. Let him be strong for you now Andy. He will without hesitation". _

Sarah was relentless in her efforts to change Andy's mind.

They drank their coffee in silence as Sarah sat watching Andy, trying to figure her out.

_"Look all I'm asking is that you give Sammy a chance ok think you can do that? Not for me or him, but for yourself. I gotta go. Here's my address and number, call me if you need anything. And I mean anything. But I have the feeling I'll be seeing you soon. Take care Andy, and take the chance"_ Sarah leaned in and gave Andy a gentle hug, this time deciding she needed it as well as Andy did, before she slipped out the door.

Thinking over Sarah's word Andy realized that this is what she really wanted. Where she really wanted to be, if anything can be said judging Sam on his actions of coming to get her off the bus, or what he said to get her off, then maybe it was worth taking the chance, she was sure he was worth it, although she had her doubts about herself being worth it.

Time to make the effort she decided and grabbed her phone her bedside table, scrolling for the number she wanted she hit the call button.

****** Thanks again for reading!**

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	10. Chapter 10

Thanks for all the awesome reviews/ alerts please keep them coming! You guys are super awesome & I love it when I get an e-mail notification!

As always huge thanks to Kelly2727!

**Chapter 10**

Andy called Frank to cancel her transfer and wasn't really surprised when he said it was never processed through the system. Although she thought she covered the surprised _"Oh"_ she muttered up pretty well, she knew Frank was smiling down the line as he told her.

He also gave her the name, time and address of her Departmental shrinks appointment, ready-made for her at 3pm that day.

Hours later, Andy made her way to the shrink's office, nervous, with the unknown laying before her.

Stepping into the shrinks consulting room, Andy felt uncomfortable, and kept chewing her bottom lip, and twirling a loose strand of hair between her fingers as she waited.

The therapist was a pleasant looking woman with a welcome smile as she introduced herself.

_"Hi Miss McNally, I'm Donna"_ she said motioning for Andy to sit when she was finally ushered into the Doctors room.

_"Um...just Andy"_

Andy shifted nervously around in her chair as they spoke about random things.

After ten minutes Andy felt more relaxed and seemed to be able to talk about all her feelings and disappointments that led her to be in the hospital, as well as Sam shooting her, and her short lived bus trip. Her meetings with Sarah were mentioned as well as her conversations with Noelle.

Andy had to admit she felt better having admitted everything, it bought on a sense of relief. Especially when Donna seemed to look at her with a encouragement rather than pity.

She also noticed Donna's eyes perk up at the mention of Sam's name.

After her session was done, Donna gave Andy an appointment for the following week on Monday, which Andy declined, saying it was her mother's funeral, so Donna slipped her in at 1pm, tomorrow, Friday, following Officer Swarek's appointment at 11am, regarding him shooting his partner.

Sam knew Donna from previous compulsory appointments, usually after having shot and killed a suspect; in order to be cleared for duty he had been required to do the compulsory three meeting sessions.

On Friday, Sam and Donna passed their hour in deep conversation flipping from topics of Sam shooting Andy, to Andy and her troubles to just about Andy.

Donna noted a change in Sam Swarek, as she listened to him talk. He was very different from the last time he had been in her office a little over 2 and a half years ago.

After Sam left Donna picked up the phone and dialled the telephone number of the 15th division.

_"Hello Frankie"_

_"Donna, hope this is a courtesy call and not a call to bench one of my Officers"_ Frank was a little tense at receiving a call from the shrink.

_"No Frankie, this is a call to talk about two of your officers, McNally and Swarek?" _

_"Ahhh...I should have guessed. So what do you want to talk about?"_ Frank was worried by this, as he knew they both had a long way to go to find themselves and each other, they did not need something else getting in their way.

_"My personal opinion?"_ Donna said causing Frank to sigh in relief as a smile washed over his face.

_"Really?"_

_"Yes really. As you know my personal opinion is off the record, but I need to confirm my decisions with you" _

_"Okay, I'm listening"_

_"You know they're hopelessly in love with each other? Department rules clearly state that partners cannot be romantically involved in any way, if that happens then their partnership has to be split up. Their personal involvement can cause impaired judgment calls on the job."_

Frank closed his eyes at where this conversation was going. This was the last thing he wanted to have to do to them, especially now.

_"But..."_

Donna's but gave Frank a small glimmer of hope.

_"...I would not recommend that. Swarek did what he had to in the situation they were in, McNally rolled with the punches and both put their job's first, although their means of doing it was rather unconventional. I looked over their files, and I must say Swarek has calmed down, no infringes since they've been partnered together, that says a lot. They hold one of the highest arrest and conviction rates out of all the divisions within twenty miles. I think it would be beneficial to them both, as well as 15th to keep them partnered, I think they need this and I don't want to split up a good partnership Frankie, this is one that needs to be kept together". _

_"So glad you see it that way. I trust your professional report will exclude these points?"_ Frank said, his happiness oozing out in his voice.

_"You can count on that"_ with that Donna ended the call, ready for her lunch before her session with Officer McNally.

Sarah had instead, decided to leave Friday afternoon after Sam's clearance session with the shrink.

He hadn't really forgiven her for meddling with him and Andy, but understood her reasons behind it. He probably would have done the same in her shoes.

Sam made his way home after his appointment to find Sarah's bags packed waiting by the door.

He had been given off till the shrink cleared him to return to active duty, yet he spent hardly any of that time with Sarah.

Seeing that she was leaving meant that she was satisfied that he would be okay, enough to go home anyway.

_"Sammy"_ she smiled as he walked into the kitchen, drawn in by the smell of something delicious.

_"Sarah"_ he made his way over, kissing her softly against the temple as she fussed over two large oven trays of food.

_"I made Lasagne, one for you, one for Andy but it's hot now and I'm leaving so you'll have to run it over later"._ Sarah smiled at her ingenious plan.

_"Oh really?"_ Sam saw right through her subtle attempt at getting them together in one room.

_"Yes really. She needs something to fatten her up, hence the Lasagne, and she needs something to cheer her up, hence the Sammy" _

Sam just raised an eyebrow as he reached into the fridge to pull out a bottle of water.

Sarah raised an eyebrow at the water.

_"Better stay off the beer, seeing as I'll be driving"_ Sam said with a smirk.

Andy finished her session with Donna, feeling lighter than she had in forever.

She made her way home, and set about doing a load of laundry as she danced around to music she was probably playing too loudly for her neighbours, but it was the middle of the day, hopefully they were at work.

After cleaning up best she could with one arm and one hand, Andy realized the day had flown by.

Hearing a knock on her door she made her way over opening it to find her dad on the other side.

_"Dad...what are you doing here?"_ Andy didn't quite know what to make of her dad being here.

_"Can I come in?" _

Andy silently stepped aside so that Tommy could pass.

_"Um...I came to apologize firstly. I'm sorry for doing what I did and for not being there when you needed me. I've been here every day hoping to find you home. I'm sorry I let you down, and I can promise you it will never happen again..." _

_"Wait, how did you know what happened?"_ Andy couldn't quite figure out how he knew everything.

_"Swarek came to see me and told me what happened. He made me realize what I had, and that I didn't want to lose it so I threw out all the alcohol and haven't touched it since then, coz I only have one Baby-Girl and I will not lose her" _

_"Sam came to see you?"_ Andy was shocked by that revelation.

_"Yeah, and he told me some things that made me think about what I had done, and how much I disappointed you and he was right. I'm done with drowning myself in a bottle, you're worth more than that"_ Tommy had tears rising in his eyes.

_"Dad, I know you tried and I understand why you slipped, I slipped too, but I can't trust you right now. I'm sorry that is something that will have to be built up, be proven, but I'm gonna try too"_ Andy moved forwards to give Tommy a slight hug before he noticed her injured shoulder.

_"Andy, what happened to your shoulder?"_ Tommy pulled back as he took in her appearance.

_"I ...um I got shot. There was a hostage situation at the hospital, and the guy grabbed me. Sam couldn't get a clear shot after the perp shot Chris and Gail and three others, so he shot me through the shoulder to hit him"_ Andy looked down as her words filtered into a soft whisper.

_"What? Swarek shot you? I'm gonna kill that..."_

_"No dad, I told him to, it wasn't like we really had a choice"_

_"But Andy, he shot you" _

_"Dad I know, I was there. I told him to, I never held it against him so I don't have to forgive him or anything, coz I don't blame him ok. Believe me when I say he's having a hard time dealing with it. He has to forgive himself for doing it, but he'll get there"_ Andy watched as her dad stared at her.

_"Are you two dating?"_ Tommy suddenly blurted out.

Andy rolled her eyes as she walked away sighing a _"no dad"._

_"Ok then. Listen about Monday, can we drive down together? I'll pick you up around 7am that'll give us time to stop for whatever on the way"_

Andy froze as Tommy mentioned Monday. She wasn't quite sure if she should go or if she would handle it well.

_"Yeah dad, I'd like that"_

Tommy left soon afterwards telling Andy he had a meeting with his sobriety sponsor and had to go.

Well if he had gotten himself a sponsor maybe he was serious about staying sober.

Just as Andy stood pondering how she was going to shower, or change her shoulders dressing, she heard another knock on the door.

Opening it Andy found a wide smiling Sam baring gifts, as if the universe had planned him showing up when she needed help- permanently.

_"McNally, gonna make me stand out here all night?" _Sam saw the flustered look on her face appear as soon as she saw him.

_"Sorry"_ she mumbled looking down as she stepped aside.

Sam made his way straight to the kitchen, laying the foil covered tray and bag he was carrying down on the kitchen island.

_"Sam you didn't have..."_

_"Don't worry I didn't, Sarah did. We've got Lasagne here and I grabbed you some juice and chocolates and milk on the way over"_ Sam said unpacking the bag.

_"Oh thanks" _

_"You eaten yet?" _

_"Nope my dad was here, he just left. He told me you went to see him. Thanks by the way, whatever you said seemed to snap him out of it. He says he's stopped drinking again". _

_"Sure no problem, sit I'll heat some of this up, and then you can eat. Don't forget to take your med's"_ Sam said motioning between Andy, the island's chairs and the lasagna.

Sam watched Andy out the corner of his eye as he heated up some of the lasagna and poured them each a glass of juice.

He could see the cog's in her mind whirling away as she sat staring into space, over thinking whatever was on her mind.

_"Thanks Sam, for everything"_ Andy mumbled out as he put the plate of hot food and a fork down in front of her.

_"Yeah, no problem. Look I gotta go, so make sure you finish that and take your med's and get some sleep okay? Call me if you need anything. And this time, I mean call me"_ Sam said moving towards the door.

_"No wait you can't go now"_ Andy suddenly yelled, causing Sam to jump at her sudden outburst as she jumped up off the chair, talking with a mouth full of food.

_"No?"_ Sam said raising a cocky eyebrow as his face looked all smug.

_"No, I...I have a problem, so I need a tiny favour. Please?"_ Andy knew she was probably pushing her luck, but tried anyway, wasn't like she really had a choice.

_"Ok, I'm listening"_ Sam said as he leaned against the counter, folding his arms across his chest.

**Love to read your reviews! Next chapter up soon.**


	11. Chapter 11

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Thanks to Kelly2727!

She is just awesome!

**Chapter 11**

After chewing and swallowing her mouth full of lasagne Andy's mouth was now empty when she spoke.

_"I um...need to take a shower..."_

Sam's eyebrows shot up into his hairline, and his face burst into a full dimpled grin. Andy was almost sure she saw him blush.

_"And?"_

_"And...my dressings need to be changed after that, so could you maybe stick around? I'll be quick I promise"_ Andy needed to do it, and didn't feel like bugging Noelle or Traci, who were still on shift.

_"Um..."_ Sam stumbled with his words, not quite sure if he was ready to see the wound he so selfishly inflicted on her.

_"Please Sam, I don't wanna get Traci or Noelle to come over after shift, you're here now anyway. It's not that bad anyway I'll be out the shower real quick". _

_"Sure, but eat first"_ Sam's mood had changed from his normal, happy, smirky self to suddenly withdrawn and defensive.

Andy finished her food before running off to shower.

While in the shower, Andy had thoughts plaguing her brain.

She knew that she and Sam needed to talk and that it would be a very deep conversation, as he did probably too.

But neither of them braced the subject.

They sort of kept floating around it, enclosed in a bubble of avoidance.

Neither of them took the step forwards to grab that raging bull by the horns.

But the bull seemed to be taking an extended lunch break, their situation not worsening, just stuck.

Sam had already done more than his share of talking to get her off the bus, and she had done a small amount of talking, but perspectives had changed on the situation.

Maybe hearing the words out of her mouth might change the current wrangle of a force field that they were stuck circling in.

But she would wait for him to take a step in the talk direction first.

After twenty minutes of struggling to soap and rinse Andy stepped out the shower before taking another ten minutes to throw on clean jeans and a tank top. Getting her arm through the hole had been a tiring struggle but once it was done she went in search of Sam carrying her supplies in the crinkled pharmacy bag.

Taking a seat next to Sam on the couch, injured shoulder facing him Andy handed him the bag before moving her loose hanging hair around to the other shoulder.

Standing up Sam saw that her shoulder had clear plastic plasters over her shoulder, one at the back, one at the front, each covering a wad of gauze slightly marred with dried blood.

_"Sam, just rip them off"_ Andy said as she saw him staring at the plasters, obviously thinking this was gonna hurt.

_"I'm not hairy, so it's not like you're gonna wax my shoulder"_ she added, getting a smile, trying to lighten the strained mood that now hung thickly in the air.

_"Subtle McNally"_

Sam moved forward and lifted a side of the plaster before gently pulling it off. He then lifted the gauze to reveal the still swollen, red entry wound at the front of her shoulder. Although it was neatly stitched closed, it still looked like a gaping hole to Sam.

A dark crimson reminder of the events of that day, and those leading up to it, marred her pasty white skin, causing Sam to draw in a loud breath at the sight.

Tracing a finger around the outside of it, Sam felt his heart break just a little knowing that he was the one to put that there.

Scared her for life, leaving a permanent reminder of sadness.

Watching Sam's face from behind a curtain of dark hair that fell over her face as she turned to watch him, Andy knew it was a mistake to ask him to do it, but as she told her dad she didn't blame him, and didn't need to forgive him for it.

_"Hurt much?"_ Sam asked as he cleaned it with the disinfectant on the cotton wool ball.

_"Nope. High pain threshold"_ Andy clambered out through clenched teeth.

_"I...wouldn't have done it, if there was another way. I'm so sorry"_ Sam said as he applied the anti-bacterial cream then a patch of gauze and a new clear, sticky plaster before moving to repeat the actions on the back.

_"Sam, you did what you had to do, there was no other choice. You did everything right. I told you to do it, and I trusted you enough to not miss and hit me in the head, accidentally on purpose, I don't hold it against you and I don't blame you, so let it go" _

Even though Sam couldn't see Andy's face, he could hear that she was biting her lip.

Her voice conveying the honest sincerity she felt at voicing the words.

_"Andy, I put a bullet in you, and you don't hold a grudge? Seriously? If I missed that shot..."_

_"Sam you didn't miss the shot. I wouldn't have told you to take it if I thought you would miss. I would have second guessed anyone else standing in front of me, but not you. What if he shot you in the head, ever think about that? Ever think about what if I had to stand there and watch you die? And don't give me that crap about, it's part of the job okay, coz that part of it sure as hell is not". _

Andy had started to get herself so worked up that she started to tremble, and missed noticing that Sam had finished the back dressing.

"McNally...look I gotta go okay, but call me if you need something" Sam gruffed out the response as he turned around and headed for the door, his gaze attached to the floor.

In seconds he was gone, leaving Andy still sitting on the couch alone, once again surrounded by the silence of her apartment.

Saturday came and went with Traci showing up at 9am and spending the whole day with Andy, chatting and catching up.

Chris and Dov stopped by for a quick hello, before leaving for the Penny. After they left Traci washed and dried Andy's hair, much to her enjoyment, before cleaning her dressings and bidding her goodnight.

Tommy stopped by, bringing her ice-cream and flowers.

But yet Andy had a nagging feeling of emptiness, although surrounded by people and not alone, she felt lonely, as if something was missing.

Sunday was much the same, with Noelle and Oliver popping in to check up on her.

By Sunday evening when everyone had left Andy to her own devices, Andy flopped down on the couch aimlessly flipping through the TV channels while she still felt the nagging feeling of emptiness wafting over her like the cold winter air that filled the quiet streets outside.

Sighing in defeat, Andy reached for her phone hoping to fill the sense of emptiness with exactly what she had finally pinned it down to.

Opening the message application on her phone, she typed and cleared and typed and cleared before typing a message and reading over the few simple words over and over again, letting them mill around in her mind.

**'We should probably talk sometime' **

Racking her brain over how to phrase it, Andy sighed before scrolling down to S in her contacts, and hitting the send button.

Andy didn't wait long before she received a reply.

_'We will'_

Sam's answer was not the positive, willing response Andy had hoped for, but in a way it was so like him, short and to the point.

**'When?'** Andy sent back before she changed her mind.

**'When you're ready'. **

_"Aarrrggg!"_ Andy let out an audible sigh of frustration at his reply. Her trade-mark eyes roll accompanying it.

Didn't he get that this whole dark fog had settled in on them, surrounding them in a sort of cold, awkward, earth-shattering limbo.

No moving forwards, no moving backwards, just stuck in the middle.

Andy felt her phone vibrate again and turned it to face her, reading a second reply from him.

**'We have all the time in the world, in no hurry. Will you be okay tomorrow?'**

Andy stared at her phone feeling herself begin to tremble as the memories and thoughts of the last week and what tomorrow would bring flashed uncontrollably through her mind.

**'How did you know?'** Andy had no idea how he knew about her mother's funeral tomorrow, but he did.

**'Tommy'**

Ahhh, figures. Andy thought.

**'I'll be fine'** she replied.

**'Yes you will. Call me if you need something'**

**'Thanks'**

Andy put her phone down on the couch next to her as she sat watching TV, her eyes seeing the pictures on the screen, but her mind playing back images of her childhood, with pictures of her mother and once happy father occupying her thoughts until the darkness of sleep settled in on her.

Sam felt something inside him snap the minute he saw the fleshy reminder of having to physically harm Andy, the minute he lifted the dressing from her wound.

The minute he pulled her apartment door closed he regretted leaving her sitting there alone. He had chased after her, practically begged, no had begged her to get off the bus and stay, then just callously walked out, leaving her after throwing another cold blanket of doubt over them.

Saturday came and went as did Sunday, Sam fighting the urge to run over to Andy's and grovel for forgiveness, plead for absolution from the cosmic joke their lives turned into, and declare unconditional love...again.

When his phone buzzed on Sunday night, Sam knew before he saw her name flash across the screen that the text was from her.

His McNally radar senses just worked that way. The same way they worked the night she went to the hospital. He just knew something was wrong.

Reading her text of 'we should probably talk sometime' bought on a sense of dread at knowing they would have to go down that road sometime, yet it was quickly replaced by the promise of hope knowing that once they got passed that point, that there was no turning back, nothing holding them back.

**'We will'** he typed in and sent it, hoping she understood the silent promise the words held.

Receiving her **'When?'**, Sam figured her forwardness was due to the fact that they were not face to face, or voicing the conversation.

**'When you're ready'**. He just knew that these words drew out her infamous eye roll.

**'We have all the time in the world, in no hurry. Will you be okay tomorrow?'**

Tommy had told him about the funeral on Monday when Sam checked up on him on one of his daily visits to Tommy.

Monday would possibly bring their current tango of avoiding the bull in the china shop to either a full on Bull Run or retirement for said bull.

Waiting for her reply Sam typed out another text- **'do you want me to take you?'**. He stared at the screen, his finger hovering over the send button.

She would ask, or at least hint if she wanted him to go with her. He had told her so many times over the last few days that if she needed something, she could just ask.

If she needed, or wanted him he was there, and he knew she knew that now.

Feeling his phone vibrate with a reply, he deleted the typed words and opened the new text from her.

After telling her he found out from Tommy, he grabbed the bull by the horns and just simply asked if she would be okay tomorrow, knowing she would easily pick up on what he was asking.

Her I'll be fine told him all he needed to know, she was all but okay. Sending a **'yes you will'** and receiving her thanks, Sam couldn't take the absence of her voice any longer, so he hit the call button with no hesitation as his lips tugged upwards.

_"Hi"_ Andy breathed into the speaker after the first ring.

_"Hi"_ Sam stuttered out, unsure of why he was actually phoning, other than to actually hear her voice.

_"So you've been talking to my Dad"_ it came out as a statement rather than a question.

_"Yeah, I've kinda been checking to see how he's doing. And you". _

Sam heard Andy's lips smile over the phone, if that was even possible.

_"Yeah?"_ There the smile resounded through her voice.

_"Yeah. So you gonna be okay tomorrow?"_ No dodging the bullet with that question.

_"Yeah...um...I'm going with my Dad..., and I need to do this Sam, I need to say good-bye"_. Sadness creeping through the line.

_"I know"_. Sam ran his hand over his face, wishing the action could take away pain. _"You'll be okay McNally"_. Sam was holding on to hope that she would ask him to go with them, but soon her words were comforting him in the knowledge as to why she didn't want him to.

_"Sam...I know you would go with me if I asked, without a doubt, but I need to do this. I need to get this done and over with so it's not holding me back, us back... But I can't ask you to do that. Not because I don't want to, I do, but... I'm scared that I'll need you more afterwards you know? So when I find peace with it, I'll come find you?" _

Sam heard the question in the last sentence, and smiled knowing that Andy just voiced her need for him, and was more than willing to meet her needs on her terms and conditions.

_"Any time Andy even if it's just on the other end of the phone."_

Listening to her breathing on the other end of the line, Sam waited for her reply.

_"Thanks Sam...goodnight". _

_"Night McNally". _

After the few words they exchanged, Sam knew without a doubt that Andy would be okay.

It may take a while, but she would be okay, and she would be Andy again.

Soon.

******Thanks for reading & don't forget to review!**

**I know you all wanted Sam to go with Andy to the funeral, so sorry, but there are reasons behind it, I promise!**

**Have an awesome day!**


	12. Chapter 12

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**Chapter 12**

Andy woke on Monday morning after a fitful night's sleep.

Plagued with sad and happy memories, she had spent the night tossing and turning.

At one point she was wide awake and staring at the ceiling, thinking back on her conversation with Sam.

She had sensed that he had wanted to go with to her mom's funeral, but this was something she needed to do.

She needed to find closure and make peace with her past, before setting out to capture her future.

Eventually getting up, Andy grabbed a quick shower; she struggled with her slightly painful shoulder to dress in her long sleeve black and white top, her black trousers and a long grey jacket before grabbing her scarf and gloves as she heard a knock on her door.

Andy opened the door to find Tommy ready and waiting.

His face was one she had never seen him wear. It was utterly void of any emotion whatsoever.

The drive to Vancouver was long and mostly filled with silence as both Tommy and Andy let their thoughts run rampant in a heavy silence.

They stopped for coffee and breakfast and made small talk afterwards that kept on until they reached their destination.

There were a few people at her mother's service; most introduced themselves as patients or staff from the hospice. They offered their condolences and sympathy freely, unaware of the true depths of either of their own struggles with grief.

As soon as the service was done, Tommy and Andy returned to Tommy's car, making the long trip home.

All the way home, the only thought that occupied Andy's mind was the fact that today she had yet to release one single tear of sorrow for her mother.

Or for herself.

From the time she woke up, right up until this very single moment, not one single drop of the liquid sadness that she should be feeling left her eyes.

Andy argued in her own mind that it was okay, then she decided it was wrong not to cry, then it simply was. Maybe it was just what it was?

She couldn't decide if not crying at her own mothers funeral was her mother's fault or her own.

Andy felt a hand gently shake her forearm as she heard Tommy softly call her name.

_"Andy wake up, we're home"_

Andy opened her eyes gently lifting up her hand to rub her sleepy, heavy eyes.

_"Wow, sorry dad, didn't mean to fall asleep"_ she said stretching out. _"Where are we?"_ She continued as she struggled to make out their location as everything was shrouded in total darkness.

_"We're at your apartment, looks like another blackout"_ Tommy said as he climbed out and moved to open Andy's door.

_"Oh. Thanks for today dad"_ Andy said as she climbed out and gave him a soft peck on the lips.

_"Sure you'll be okay kiddo?"_ Tommy asked as Andy moved away towards her building.

Andy stopped and stared at Tommy, remembering Sam's text last night saying she would be fine, as a huge smile played across her lips.

_"Yeah dad, I will be"_ she called out as she practically ran into the building.

Sam was in the lounge, sprawled out on his couch, watching the flames flicker in the fireplace as he remembered the last time that the city was coated in darkness.

Taking a sip of his beer, Sam let out a low chuckle as he thought back, continuing to stare into the flickering red and yellow of the flames. And then there was a knock on his door, making him shake his head at his imaginations conjuring up of the missing key elements from the last time.

The knock sounded again, making Sam draw the conclusion that maybe there was someone actually at the door, and it was not his imagination running wild in all directions.

As he swung the door open, Sam could not hide the amused look that shot across his face as he lifted an eyebrow and let his lips slide into a full dimpled grin.

As Andy opened her mouth Sam held up a finger signalling her not to talk at all, as a slow blush crept up her neck and onto her cheeks as she looked down at the snow covered wood of his front porch.

Stifling a laugh Sam spoke barely above a whisper.

_"You can come in on one condition"._ This caused Andy to let out a giggle as Sam leaned on the door frame blocking her entry into his house, arms folded over his chest.

_"Only one? And what would that be?"_ Andy could see the amusement filling his eyes at their situation.

_"No repeating the last time!"_

_"Sam, seriously! You're never gonna let that go are you? Okay no repeating the last time. I..."_ Andy's words died on her lips as Sam stepped aside and Andy walked into his house.

Andy sat on the floor near the fire place as Sam went and poured her a glass of juice, refusing to give her any alcohol on her medication. They sat for what felt like hours, talking about her mother's funeral, the cold weather, how she missed work and would be back in a week, as well as starting her physio the next week too.

Andy recalled happy memories of her mother, and let each slip over her lips with a smile.

Remembering one happy birthday memory, Andy felt a single tear break free of the restraints of her eye lashes as she told Sam the story of how her mom held out her birthday cake and told her to take a giant bite right out of it using her mouth.

The memory was one of Andy's favourite's, as she voiced the best part- the part where her mother took a giant bite out the other side as Andy took her bite, both of them lifting their faces in a fit of giggles as they both came up covered from eyeballs to chin in bright pink cake icing.

Her mom had not been around for her next birthday, the one her dad had totally forgotten. As he had done for most of the ones following that.

They fell into the familiar ramblings of witty banter that seemed to come naturally.

Sam even told Andy more about Sarah and her husband and kids, recalling a few of their happy childhood memories.

He still felt bad for the way that Sarah had pushed Andy away, although he understood her reasons. He probably would never have been as subtle as talking to a person. Although Sarah was a few years older than him, he felt the strong need to always look out for her and protect her.

The same way he felt he had to with Andy. It was almost a need, to do it.

They talked about everything, except the important nagging stuff and the last week's events until Sam noticed that Andy had fallen asleep on the couch that she climbed on to and lay down on when the wooden floor became too uncomfortable.

Grabbing a blanket from the hallway closet, Sam gently covered her before making his way to bed.

He lay in bed watching the flicker of the fires dying flames dance across his open bedroom door, as his mind questioned its own decision and rationality on giving Andy so much time and space as he avoided the conversation they needed to have.

It wasn't as if it was uncharted territory, they had crossed that line twice on his part, both at the hospital and when she was on the bus. She had asked once to talk and then shown up here to talk again, yet he was knowingly shying away from actually saying the words one on one to her, instead of about her or at her.

And she hadn't run or avoided him, she was willing to stand her ground and move forwards, yet he was backing away.

The feeling of guilt resurfaced as he remembered having to shoot her, his feelings of panic returned as he remembered how he felt waiting for her to get off or drive off on the bus. The memory of finding her in her apartment the night she tried to kill herself bought on a flush of new memories and fears until he had one single though cross his mind. One reasonable explanation dawned on him as to be the only viable excuse to why he was hanging back.

One logical thought crept into him mind as he lay in the darkness staring at the shadows slip across his ceiling.

This time it was different.

This time it was real.

This time he was actually in love with the other person, it was not a case of loving her; it was being in love with her. And knowing she was worth it.

This time he was scared of that feeling. This time he was scared because it was the most intoxicating, all-consuming feeling he had ever felt.

This time he was scared of losing her.

Although, technically she wasn't his to lose.

Not yet anyway.

She had run once, and he had bought her back. But what about next time? Would she run again when she found out about just how much he was damaged?

Andy was a runner by nature, what would stop her next time?

As the thoughts rambled through his mind, he was fighting a losing battle and he knew it. Finally surrendering to the onslaught of worry crossing his heart, he climbed out of bed and made his way to a still sleeping Andy on the couch.

Leaning down in front of her Sam gently shook her shoulder as he saw her stir.

_"Andy wake up, I need to tell you something"_ he whispered as her eyes fluttered open.

**Hope you all enjoy! Next chapter up next week x**


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks for all the awesome reviews/ alerts please keep them coming!

Thanks go to Kelly2727!

**Chapter 13**

_"Sam am I sleeping on your couch?"_ A confused Andy said as she slowly moved to sit up.

_"Yeah, sorry I figured you're tired"._ Sam said as he sat down next to her when she slid her feet down to meet the floor. _"Sorry I woke you, but I have to tell you something...and I can't wait till you wake up so..."_

Sam reminded her of a naughty child at this moment and she had to stifle a giggle as it dawned on her just how serious his expression was.

_"Um...okay"_ she said watching him with intense intrigue as he sat staring at the burning embers of what was once a fire.

_"Um...I was in high school when I met this girl..."_ Sam was sneaking glances at her trying to take in her reaction as his words slowly and softly filled the air between them. _"Her name was Erica..."_

Andy turned to face Sam as she mumbled a soft _"I know"._

Sam stopped talking and turned to face her as he saw her eyes widen when she realized what she had let slip out.

_"You know?"_ Sam repeated as if unsure he had heard her little confession correctly.

Andy just nodded as she looked down at her hand resting in her lap as if to inspect it.

_"How long...how long have you know?"_ Sam was now starting to put the pieces together as he stared at her, this time his eyes losing a glint of its usual spark.

_"Since I was in the hospital" _

_"Noelle?"_

Andy nodded still looking down.

_"Is that why you ran?"_ Sam's voice held a sharp edge as he spoke the words.

That snapped Andy's head up.

_"No! No... I...Sarah...really? You think that's why I took off? No I left because I felt stupid for being such a dork. I decided it would be better to leave rather than drag everyone down with me, you know? What Sarah said made me think, I mean really think about what I wanted and where I was going and it seemed like what I wanted was just outside of my reach, and when I really thought things over or over thought it, I got scared. Noelle told me the story to help me understand why you were there, but weren't and made me promise not to tell you, but you guessed, so she can't kick my ass." _

Andy watched as Sam took in her words, an unreadable expression on his face.

_"So you didn't run because of it?"_ Sam whispered in search of confirmation.

Again Andy nodded.

There he finally asked the question that was bugging him the most.

_"I dunno...we haven't really had a talk about this, or where we go from here"_ Andy trailed off unsure that she was really ready to be having this conversation now.

_"Three weeks"_ Sam mumbled breaking the silence.

_"What?"_

_"Three weeks. You have a week and a bit off to get through, then another three on desk right?" _

Again Andy merely nodded, not catching on to what he was really saying.

_"Okay, so after you're last shift of your first full week back, we'll talk about it then." _

Andy just raised her eyebrows at his answer.

He was putting that whole time and space thing between them again, and backing away.

But he was planning ahead. Something he was never really into, that was usually her department.

_"Okay, seeing as I can't sleep, you jump into bed and sleep there. I'm gonna watch TV now that the powers back on" _

With that Sam ushered Andy towards his bedroom before returning himself to the couch.

This is gonna be a long three weeks he thought before finally drifting off to sleep.

The next almost two weeks went by in a blur of bustling activity.

Sam was working his regular shifts patrolling solo, and then checking up on Andy. They'd grab a breakfast or lunch or dinner either out or take out at one of their places.

They spent many hours together over the two weeks, but both never bought up the subject of _'them'_ again.

Tommy or Andy's other friends would pop in and keep her company, helping her with odds and ends while her shoulder healed although it was now sling free and making a slow, frustrating recovery.

Andy started her physio the week she returned to work. She started the morning shift of the Wednesday, feeling beyond belief happy at being back at work, although she would be riding the desk. It also felt out of place to be starting a shift in the middle of the week, but as Andy walked into the locker room she smiled thinking that it was the last week of the three week wait Sam had enforced.

Amidst changing and making her way to parade, Andy was welcomed back and was defiantly welcoming the familiar faces, sounds and smells of her second home.

Parade started and Best welcomed her back to a round of applause and cheers as he began handing out the pairings. Andy stopped listening as her mind wondered coz she knew exactly where she had to go when dismissed.

After Andy noticed everyone making their way out, she too stood up and made her way over to the coffee machine before relieving the night shift on front desk.

Sitting staring into space Andy was suddenly aware of a presence causing her to look up and see Sam stepping in behind the counter on the other side and sitting down in the chair next to her.

_"And this?"_ Andy asked unable to hide the smile that took over her lips as she scooted her chair in towards the counter top.

_"Just keeping an eye on you"_ Sam said, a cheeky grin returning hers.

_"Really?"_ Andy couldn't help the blush that graced her cheeks.

Sam had arrived early and asked Frank to pair them on front desk, his request eliciting an amused chuckle from his staff sergeant, along with a wise crack about being totally whipped, and something that sounded oddly like it's about damn time.

Sam had thought twice about his request, but decided to go with his gut feeling on it, just the way he usually did.

Shift on front desk was the worst hated shift in the division, but today neither of the pair seemed at all agitated or miserable at being assigned to it. Shift went quickly although it was quiet, the pair engaged in their familiar banter as time passed by.

Andy had been contemplating one thing since Sam sat down next to her. She was contemplating asking him why wait three weeks, but decided against it and carried on as though she was unfazed by the thought, until after lunch.

"Sam I'm seriously bored and ready to sleep wanna play waste-paper-basketball?"

_"What the hell is that?"_ Sam asked letting out a soft chuckle at her games name.

_"Paper ball, waste paper basket, as in basketball?"_

_"Seriously?"_

_"Yes, seriously!"_ Andy giggled as she stood up and moved the small trash can out under the table and put it just behind him.

Crumbling a piece of paper into a tight ball, Andy took a shot and sank it into the trash can with no effort.

_"Okay McNally, but what are we playing for?"_ Sam asked as he leaned back in his chair.

_"I dunno? How about furthest shot without missing wins, and they get, I dunno a question or a dare or something?"_ Andy heard her words leave her mouth and cringed. She knew exactly what she would ask if she won this.

_"Sure, guess it's my shot then"_ Sam said moving to retrieve the paper ball from the trash can.

They sat taking shots between the few phone calls they had. Each time moving the trash can back about a foot.

Sam took his shot and scored, and when Andy took her next shot aiming for the trash can almost standing out the front door now, she let her eyes wonder over to Sam for one split second as she threw the ball. This effectively dropped her concentration and aim, ending up with the paper ball sailing just over the trash can before silently dropping on the floor behind it.

_"Crap"_ Andy giggled out as Sam let out a laugh as he smirked at her. _"Okay, so what's it gonna be, question, dare, what?"_

Sam feigned deep thought for a few minutes, making Andy tap her pen on the counter in anticipation.

_"A date"_ Sam replied when her pen tapping became too much.

"What?" Andy all but shrieked, almost sending her pen flying as she misjudged her taps landing on the edge of the counter.

_"A date, simple. Me, you, dinner, whatever. A date"_

Andy stared at Sam wide eyed, unable to look anywhere but at Sam.

_"Seriously?" _

Sam nodded his goofy grin never leaving his face.

_"But...three weeks? And the talk we're supposed to have, but never get around to?"_ Andy wondered what had changed his mind.

_"Screw the extra week, what do you think we've practically been doing the last two weeks? Dinner, movies so it's been like practice run dates. But this time, I want an official, on the record, known to the public date. Besides, that'll give us enough time to talk". _

Andy watched him watching her with the most intense look she'd ever seen him have. He looked almost like he was worried about her answer, almost waiting with bated breath for her to speak.

Andy leaned back in her chair, trying to keep her grin to a minimal, as she this time feigned a look of deep contemplation.

After a few seconds, she could no longer keep her grin small or from lighting up her face all the way to her eyes, so she looked him in the eyes and kept her answer simple and to the point _"I can do that"_

**The End**

**Xxx**

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